From Erling Haaland’s raccoon to dreaming of Vinicius Jr. at Arsenal: Five steps to becoming a soccer nerd after the 2026 World Cup

This is the obvious first task. You can't be a true fan of any sport if you don't have an entirely unnecessary hill to die on every week. Your emotions need to be somehow connected to the fate of 11+ men whose actions you have zero control over on a week-by-week basis. That's the fun of it. You used to have to defend your choice of club. The good news is that it's 2026 and we're all grown-ups, so there is now more wriggle room.

We can't pick one for you. But here are some tips:

- They really should play in the Premier League (no beef with any other global league, but it is simply the most accessible product)

- They cannot be part of the "big 6." That means Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Man City, Man United, and Spurs are all off limits. Guaranteeing some sort of success ruins the fun and makes you a bit of a bandwagon - which is the worst thing you can be

- They shouldn't be in danger of relegation, at least not in your first year. That rules out Hull, Ipswich, Coventry, Leeds, Nottingham Forest and (maybe) Bournemouth.

- They can't be Newcastle (Google it).

- They can't be Everton (personal agenda from this writer).

Basically, your options are - in no particular order: Aston Villa, Brentford, Brighton, Crystal Palace, Fulham and Sunderland. There is honor in any of those selections, and just enough jeopardy, too. Fulham have also, historically, embraced American players. Brighton have a penchant for developing young talent and have a skilled manager with an American background.

Or, you can be cool and support Brentford. Also, Lionel Messi plays stateside - if you want to keep things local.

Alright, time for some basic soccer dictionary tips. A "transfer" is the exchange of a player for money. The "price tag" (value) attached to a transfer is usually fairly arbitrary, but fluctuates by the market. This is different than in American sports. In basketball, a team might trade a player for another player and maybe some draft picks. In American football and baseball, free agency is massive, with teams signing out-of-contract players for hundreds of millions of dollars.

In soccer, trades are far less common (outside of MLS). Players are almost always exchanged for money. That leads to massive "transfer sagas" and a constant rumor mill in which players are linked to other clubs for (usually) vast sums. A lot of the time, the rumors are pretty baseless, either stoked by agent chatter or generated out of thin air by social media. These days, soccer reporting is really rather good. The fake news gets snuffed out pretty easily.

But almost every year, your club will be "linked" with a player they are never going to sign. You will probably know in your gut/heart that the deal is never going to happen. Either your club will not pay enough money or the player might not want to sign in the first place. Arsenal fans are currently going through it with the never-going-to-happen would-be signing of Real Madrid's Vinicius Jr. Still, the point in such situations is to get your hopes up and gaslight yourself into believing that your team will make that big signing that can change its fortunes.

This is perhaps the most familiar feeling for an American fan (or one of any background, for that matter).

Hating referees is a pretty universal sentiment in sports. No matter what happens, whether your team loses by three touchdowns or blows out a rival by 40 points, the referee always has to be a main character in some way. This writer is actually overwhelmingly pro-referee. They do really difficult jobs every week under immense pressure, and are judged for the 1-in-1,000 decisions they get wrong rather than praised for the stuff they get right.

But having a go at officials is pretty much a universal practice - even when a game is refereed perfectly. There is always a minor injustice somewhere, whether it's a call that probably wasn't a foul or a VAR mishap. Just remember there is always an agenda against your team, whether you're Premier League champions or relegation candidates. The refs are there not to do a job but to ruin your day - and destroy your club.

The trick here isn't to be abusive or mean. Rather, it's to be a little passive-aggressive. Try these on for size:

Well, I've seen them given

He's given the referee a decision to make

[Insert club] would have gotten a pen there

Bonus points if you are able to ascertain a link between a referee's place of birth and one of the teams playing in the game which they are in charge of. This is relevant because a lot of referees happen to be from Northern England, which seems to convince plenty of fans that the entire refereeing body in the U.K. is pro-Man United (only sort of true).

Let's make something clear: you should obviously have a shirt of the club you support. GOAL vouches for away jerseys since they tend to be a little cooler, but beggars cannot be choosers. For example, if you're a Brighton fan, buy a Brighton shirt.

But that is low tier soccer fandom. If you wish to achieve the next level of support, it becomes important to own jerseys of clubs that you have no real affiliation with (as long as they are not rivals). For example, this writer supports an unnamed Premier League club from the North of England. Thus, they will never buy any jersey of any other Northern English club under any circumstance. The purchase of another Premier League kit would be an immense surprise, tbh.

Yet to prove your validity, it is necessary to invest in shirts worn by teams elsewhere, preferably teams with significantly smaller fanbases than your own. The older, the better (within reason). The sweet spot tends to be from 2008-2020. This is a way of showing that you know a lot about the sport (even if you don't).

Good examples for Premier League fans include:

- Mid-table Italian league clubs made by Kappa

- Pretty much any Liga MX club

- Real Sociedad, Athletic Bilbao, Rayo Vallecano, Real Betis

You do not have to know a single player on the team. In fact, that may only make the shirt cooler.

Once you start watching soccer more seriously, you will realize that there is simply too much of it. The Premier League season is 38 games long. If you throw in European competitions and domestic cups - the FA Cup is kind of like March Madness but not really and you will fall in love with it; teams play around 50 games per year. That's way too many. Everyone is exhausted and injured. But to become a soccer fan is to ignore the weird fact that you are watching grown men ruin their bodies in real time.

Luckily, there are breaks every so often. Three to four times per season, there are what are called "international breaks", where players leave their club teams and play exhibition matches for their national side - while the club season is paused. Of course, not every player can be picked, but you can assume that the best players for your team will jet off somewhere to feature for their country (kind of like the World Cup, but sh*t!)

Seems like a nice respite, right? WRONG. These things not only break up your weekend rituals but also increase injury risk (every international break, it seems, some relatively important footballer picks up some kind of knock). It all builds up to international competitions like the World Cup or the Copa America, but once you understand this game, you will hate these things. Trust.