It's Soweto Derby Week! Amaze your friends and family with a fount of useless knowledge on the biggest match in South Africa's football calendar as Orlando Pirates prepare to host Kaizer Chiefs at the FNB stadium

According to the Soweto Derby Wikipedia page, the match is 'also known as El Kasico', a nickname we have never heard anyone use ever.

However, if you are going to go down the tired old El Clasico derivative route then please try asking your friends and colleagues if they are going to watch El Kasico.

Five bonus points if you get a photo of their confused face.

The first ever Soweto Derby took place on 24 January 1970 and in the 55-year history of this fixture, there have only been three hat tricks scored.

Ebison Mugoyo got the first in a 5-1 (aet) win for Chiefs in 1975, Henry Khumalo managed the second hat trick, from off the bench no less, as Pirates claimed a 3-1 success in the now defunct Champions of Champions cup, and then the last recorded hat-trick went to Jerry Sikhosana, all the way back in 1996.

Back in 1975, there were eight (8!!!) Soweto Derby matches in a single season.

The two sides met eight times across a variety of competitions: 2x in the two-legged final of the Champions of Champions; the semi-final of another tournament also confusingly called the Champion of Champions; the Life Challenge final; the BP Top 16 semi-finals which also necessitated a replay and, of course in the league.

If this is the kind of thing then check out this.

Only six players in history know what it is like to score for both sides in a derby match. The players to achieve that feat are: Gabriel Khoza, Blessing Mgidi, Jerry Sadike, Ace Khuse, Mark Maponyane and Marc Bachelor.

There are also only six men who know what it is like to be in either dugout for a derby: Kosta Papic, Walter da Silva, Ted Dumitru, Augusto Palacios, Joe Frickleton and Vladimir Vermezovic.

There is an odd fluctuation when it comes to win percentages in either league or cup competitions. While Kaizer Chiefs have a definite edge in the league with a 52% win ratio, the boot is on the other foot in cup competitions where Orlando Pirates lead with a 40% win percentage.

Win percentages (source Wkipedia):

Pule 'Ace' Ntsoelengoe has scored the most goals in a Soweto Derby with 19 for Kaizer Chiefs.

Three men reached 11 derby goals to their names: Nelson Dladla & Abednego ‘Shaka’ Ngcobo, both for Chiefs, and Marks Maponyane who played and scored for both sides in derbies.

Pirates all-time top scorer in the derby is Jono Somo who scored nine goals for the Buccaneers.

Seventy-five derbies have been played at the FNB Stadium in Soweto since it opened in October 1989 and was refurbished ahead of the 2010 World Cup. Prior to 'The Calabash' the original home of the derby was the Orlando Stadium which saw 63 derbies played. But over the years the derby has taken place at 15 different stadia across South Africa.

The record attendance for both the derby and for the biggest official crowd for a football match in South Africa is the August 2015 derby in the Carling Black Label Cup attended by 94,807 fans and won by Orlando Pirates on penalties (4-3) after a 1-1 draw in normal time.

The fastest goal in the history of derby had stood for seven years on Siyabonga Nomvete's effort just under the minute mark set in a league match against Pirates on the 14th June 2000.

Then in November 2007 up stepped Mabhuti Khenyeza who controlled a throw-in from Shaun Bartlett, held off the Pirates defender and, with his back to the goal, struck a sweeping volley that rifled into the corner of the goal after just 19 seconds of play.

Orlando Pirates may currently be on a win streak of three derbies in a row but that is a far cry from the record.

Kaizer Chiefs once went on an 11-match unbeaten run against Pirates between May 1985 and November 1988.

Last season Kaizer Chiefs had a nightmare as they tried to turn the tide of mediocracy with no avail and ended up finishing 10th with just 36 points from their season, the club's worst position in modern PSL history.

But that is not the worst finishing position for a Soweto Derby club as in the 2016/17 season Orlando Pirates were even worse, finishing the league in 11th with just 33 points.

Amakhosi once had a Rugby 7's side which entered various South African club tournaments and was last in the news in October 2012 when they competed in the inaugural NBM 7's Premier League tournament with former Springbok Gcobani Bobo as coach and Breyton Paulse as captain.

In 1979 Orlando Pirates were 2-0 down at halftime to Highlands Park and missing Jomo Sono who was getting married that day. Bra J was informed of the score shortly after he had said, "I do" and promptly announced to his guests and new wife that he had to go and help his team.

His sympathetic father-in-law (and undoubtedly a Pirates fan) jumped in the car with Sono and took him to the match where the 'Black Prince' supplied three assists and scored a goal to secure a 4-2 win for Pirates, before jumping back in the car and joining in the festivities at his delayed wedding reception.