Johan Derksen has opened up about his difficult childhood in the Afterparty podcast with singer Davina Michelle. The 77-year-old former footballer and regular panellist on Vandaag Inside grew up with a father who drank heavily and abused his mother. He says he has never forgiven his father for the violence.
Derksen has spoken before on Vandaag Inside about the violence at home. His feelings towards his father haven't changed. "I don't forgive him because he committed domestic violence against my mother. I don't forgive him for that," he says.
As a young boy, Derksen regularly tried to stand up for his mother, but he says it only made matters worse. "If I took my mother's side, it had the opposite effect. Because when I was away, he would hold it against my mother," he recalls.
At home, the violence and constant tension left Derksen feeling unsafe as a child. "You're always on edge."
His childhood prompted a promise. "I would never commit domestic violence, because I've seen the consequences," he says. His father's drinking left its mark too: "When people react badly to alcohol, it's truly awful for children."
By contrast, Derksen speaks of his mother with love and admiration. He describes her as "a wonderful woman", but says she was no match for his father. "She was too good for this world. And no match for such an aggressive man."
Derksen believes the era also played a part in his mother's decision not to leave her violent husband. Around seventy years ago, he says, divorce was much more socially sensitive than it is today. "Women would get divorced now. But back then, you had to consider family and the neighbours; everyone was taken into account."
After his father died, Derksen decided not to keep the painful events of his childhood to himself. At the funeral, he gave a sharply critical speech that took those present by surprise. "Everyone in the room was completely silent. You could have heard a pin drop, because I didn't tell a story about what a wonderful father he had been."