Tackling The Problem

The reason football is so popular is brilliantly simple.

Whether it’s 11-a-side in an elite league, five v five in a cage, or even 30 v 25 outside the place you live - whatever the format, the game at its best provides wholesome entertainment and brings people together.

All you need is a ball, some players, and the spectacle creates itself. Something so loved should be a safe space for all.

But that isn’t always true.

It’s incredible how common those experiences might be, really, and talking to a lot of people recently has made me realise we all can do more about this issue.

World Cups and big international tournaments are always seen as festivals of football. Occasions that give the opportunity for everyone to come together as one, even providing times for people to forget some of the more serious things faced in daily life.

Friends and family gathered around televisions in the back garden and strangers coming together in pubs and grounds. These should be the good times that we all share together, win together, lose together.

Some men are taking out physical frustrations from football on their partners or family members.

There is no excuse for abuse, change needs to happen, and change happens first and foremost by challenging these situations when we see them and making clear it is not acceptable.

The type of behaviour we’re talking about here doesn’t have to be violent, either. Abuse can be following someone home, harassing them online, manipulating or controlling a partner or touching someone without consent.

You might feel that what I’m trying to say is accusatory or stereotyping of all men. But that’s the opposite of what I’m trying to say. What I’m trying to say is that there are some men who feel they can be abusive towards women. But we can all put a stop to it. If we all step up and step in when we see it.

What does that have to do with you? And me? And our friends?

Well, it means addressing these issues when we see them happen. There are obvious and understandable barriers in terms of calling out your friends. It can be awkward. It can be hard. But, it’s these small actions that can really change long-term behaviours. And when the message comes from someone you know, it can make all the difference.

Having spoken to people recently about their own experiences, several stood out.

The first was regarding a woman travelling to football matches on public transport wearing football kits. She talked about how she kept getting inappropriate and creepy comments about having her legs out. She said she now avoids travelling in her kit so she won’t get those comments from men any more. And this type of experience correlates with the data, too.

That’s eight out of every ten women that you know. It means your family, your friends, your partners, your colleagues. It means that women you know have been victims, and it’s likely that men that you know have behaved inappropriately.

It also means that you can do something about it.

If you see a mate of yours being abusive or doing something that is making someone else feel uncomfortable, tell them. Pull them to one side. Have a word. It doesn’t have to be in the moment, maybe catch them at the bar or after the game. Tell them that what they’re doing is wrong.

It doesn’t have to be confrontational, just make them know that you don’t find what they’re doing funny, or impressive, or cool. It might be a difficult thing to do, but it’s the right thing to do. It could mean that no more women will have to be affected by their actions.

If it’s not someone you know, or you feel uncomfortable or unsafe challenging directly, you can still do something. You can tell the stewards at the game or staff in the pub. You can do something to diffuse the situation, ask for directions or interrupt and start a new conversation. You could show that you’ve noticed and check if she’s ok, ask if she wants help or to report it.

When this type of behaviour goes unchallenged, if you go along with it or accept it as banter instead of telling your mate that what he’s doing isn’t right, then you are effectively supporting his behaviour and telling him it’s normal.

And when behaviour becomes normalised in this type of situation it can lead to a dangerous type of culture. One that we’ve got to work together to change.

As football fans, and as men, some simple changes to our behaviour and how we act if we think something’s wrong can make a world of difference. We can make the game that we love even better, for everyone.