Riots In Turin As Sebastian Giovinco Signs For Arsenal

The city of Turin is now a warzone after Juventus transfer chief Alessio Secco confirmed that club favourite Sebastian Giovinco will be joining Arsenal in the summer.
Every Juventus fan’s worst nightmare has come true this morning – Sebastian Giovinco – the future of the Bianconeri, has been sold to Arsenal.

The ‘Atomic Ant’ is widely regarded as one of the most exciting young talents in world football, and he is tipped for greatness, both for club-and-country. Giovinco was seen by many Juventini as the heir to the symbolic Alessandro Del Piero, and in March he really exploded into life with a series of magical performances. Only last night, Giovinco was again wowing audiences as he scored in Italy Under-21s 1-1 friendly draw with Holland Under-21’s.

However, there have been reports in the press over the past few months that Juventus were considering selling Giovinco in order to fund a raid for Sampdoria enigma Antonio Cassano.

Juventus sporting director Alessio Secco this morning confirmed that a deal has been completed to sell Giovinco to long-term admirers Arsenal, and that the Old Lady will use the money recouped to sign Chelsea’s Florent Malouda.

“It is no secret that we are actively searching for a replacement at left midfield for the retiring Pavel Nedved, and for this reason we have had to make a tough decision,” explained Secco.

“We did not really want to sell Giovinco, but the truth is that €10m was too good to turn down, and we can use this money to sign Malouda, a world class France international, who will be the perfect successor to Pavel.

“I understand that many fans will be upset by our decision to release Seba, but I say to them, please trust my judgement. I know what I am doing. I feel that Seba is just a little too small to really succeed at the top. He gets pushed around a bit.”

Supporters have refused to trust Secco, who is already enemy No.1 after masterminding a host of disastrous signings, including Sergio Almiron, Jean-Alain Boumsong, Dario Knezevic, and Christian Poulsen.

Around 5000 tifosi have taken to the streets in Turin, and the situation can only be described as utter chaos. Shops have been looted, effigies of Secco, Giovanni Cobolli Gigli, Jean Claude Blanc and Claudio Ranieri burnt, while the house of Secco has been fire-bombed.

Gangs of ultras have gathered outside the club's headquarters in Corso Gallileo Ferraris, armed with slingshots and baseball bats. They are ready to show their ferocious opposition, and the uprisings are likely to continue as the angry protesters have gathered support from other breakaway groups. It is guerilla warfare, as the fans use militia-style tactics in an attempt to overthrow power and destabilise the club following Giovinco's sale.

There are now fears that 20,000 season ticket holders at the Olimpico will turn their back on the club.

Meanwhile, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has spoken of his delight after finally capturing Giovinco.

“I have been trying to buy Giovinco since he was eight-years-old, and I almost got him last summer, but the marriage fell through when Philippe Senderos refused to go in part exchange because he wanted Milan instead.

“But the wait has been worth it, and Giovinco will be a fantastic addition to our squad. There is no doubt in my mind that he is the best youngster in the world after Lionel Messi. He is going to be a legend.”

Sources close to Secco say that he is shaken up by the violence in Turin, and will spend the next few days in hiding at Massimo Moratti's secret countryside retreat.

April Fool