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Former Liverpool goalkeeper Chris Kirkland has revealed that he came close to committing suicide because of his problem with painkillers. The ex-England international has urged football to take action to tackle players' addiction to medication.
Kirkland's battle with painkillers started during his Liverpool days when he was injured in a warm-up and became much worse years later.
Football players are often treated with medication to allow them to return from injury faster - but Kirkland says that the culture around painkillers in the sport has become a serious issue.
What did Kirkland say about his painkiller issue?
Kirkland admitted that he came close to jumping off of a roof in Portugal while he was on a pre-season training camp with Bury in 2016, but thoughts of his wife and daughter changed his mind.
“I was going to jump but I felt Leeona and Lucy pulling me back from afar," he told The Times.
He added: “I was in the worse mental state ever, all over the place but the professional thing kicks in: ‘Right you can get through this’. Bury didn’t know. I took loads of painkillers when I was out on pre-season with Bury.
"We were in an apartment block, I was actually on the top floor and literally went out the door on to a roof. The first night, I wasn’t standing on the edge, but I was in a bad way, crying my eyes out, thinking I have to do this.
“The second night, I was standing there and was going to jump but then I felt that pull back. I rang Leeona, and said: ‘I need help, I am addicted to painkillers’. ‘You need to come home,’ she said. I told [the manager] Dave Flitcroft and Bury that I had an issue back home with family. Flew home the next day, rang the PFA and said I need help.
“I got weaned off the painkillers, I was fine for 18 months but I missed the routine of being a footballer. I missed having a purpose."
How did Kirkland's problem get so bad?
Kirkland, who spent five years at Liverpool, described the initial incident that resulted in him taking painkillers as "innocuous" but that the issue became more severe during his time at Wigan, the club he joined in 2006.
“It wasn’t until around 2009-10 when I was at Wigan that I first started getting real bad back spasms," he said.
"I couldn’t move for a week. I had to sleep on the landing stairs. It was like somebody was stabbing me, the worst pain you can imagine. I got some painkillers and anti-inflams. As clubs do, they give you them to help the situation.”
The issue haunted him again when he went to Sheffield Wednesday and he felt under pressure to take medication to ensure he did not miss matches and put his future at the club in danger.
“Two days before the first game for Sheffield Wednesday [in August 2012], my back went, first time it happened in a good few months," he said.
"I thought if I don’t play I’m going to get hammered. There was also a clause in the deal where if I miss three games on the spin with my back they could rip up the deal. Nobody knows about that. So I got hold of some painkillers, and they helped not just with the pain, they helped with the anxiety travelling to and from Sheffield and being away from home.
“I thought I’ll never get addicted. I’m strong enough to only take them when I need them but it got a grip of me, my body needed it more and more and I became dependent on them.
“The first season was manageable. The second season I was on them a lot every day, more or less. Leeona didn’t know. I kept them in the car, hidden, took them on the way to training. I was sneaky. That’s what addiction is. Anything to get my hit."
Kirkland calls for action to be taken
He insists football must acknowledge that addiction to painkillers is prevalent in the game and believes the problem must be dealt with.
“I’ve survived but I know how many players are addicted to painkillers. Football - and society - has to tackle the scandal.”
He added: “My story is going to shock a lot of people. I shouldn’t be here. Because of the amount I was taking. It’s Tramadol so you’re not meant to take any more than 400 milligrams a day, maximum. I was taking 1,000 milligrams of Tramadol a day every day. I was taking 2,500 milligrams a day at Sheffield Wednesday.
“I’d get 100 pills over the internet from India, they were about £300. I’d get through those in a week, easy. I’d go to the bottom of [my] drive and meet the postman and then whack the parcel in my car before Leeona even knew about it. They told me when I went to rehab the only reason I am alive is my fitness.”