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Ronaldo punished £20,000 for being big-game flop, Totti taxed £10,000 for trying to sack coach - 20 more ridiculous Felix Magath fines

SATIRE
By Carlo Garganese | Deputy Editor

On Tuesday, a report emerged in Bild claiming that controversial Wolfsburg coach Felix Magath had imposed a new strict code of conduct for his players on and off the pitch. At the centre of this arrangement was a system of fines for all those found to be non-compliant.

According to the report, those late for training sessions and team meetings would be fined €100 (£88) for every minute they were late, while anyone discovered wearing headphones on the team bus would be punished €250 (£220).

For violations on the pitch, the fines became heavier: an unnecessary back-pass could cost a player €1,000 (£880), while a defender allowing a ball to bounce in front of him rather than clearing directly would be fined €500 (£440).

To celebrate Magath’s screwball scheme, Goal.com has satirically come up with some other hypothetical fines that players could expect to suffer at the hands of the former Germany midfielder.

£1,000: Backheeling the ball when you could just pass it normally (Javier Pastore)

£2,000: Leaving a gaping hole open in front of the defence (Alexandre Song)

£3,000: Leaving your clothes on the pitch (Yoann Gourcuff)

£4,000:
Losing the ball in the stands due to over-ambitious long-shots (Diego Forlan)

£5,000:  Downloading an AC Milan app on your iPad (Mario Balotelli)


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£6,000:
Getting caught diving (Dani Alves)

£7,000: Getting caught having an affair (Ryan Giggs/John Terry/every footballer)

£8,000:
Failing to prevent your girlfriend from removing her belt and whipping a stranger (Ezequiel Lavezzi)

£9,000:
Fooling all of your fans into thinking that you are a messiah, thus making it impossible for the club to sell you (Claudio Marchisio)

£10,000:
Attempting to get your coach or manager sacked (Francesco Totti)


'You're fired!' | Totti has successfully sacked 14 coaches since 1992

£11,000:
Charging into sliding tackles like a blithering idiot (Michael Dawson/Pepe)

£12,000:
Playing the entire opposition attack onside (Martin Demichelis/Cristian Molinaro)

£13,000:
Running less distance than your own goalkeeper (Dimitar Berbatov)

£14,000: Having less than a 10% chance-to-goal conversion ratio (Mario Gomez/Gonzalo Higuain)

£15,000:
Lying about your age (Eriberto/Obafemi Martins/Emerson)

£16,000:
Blasting the ball at a spectator in the crowd from point-blank range (Lionel Messi)

£17,000:
Failing to string a sentence together in your league’s native language within three years of arriving (Carlos Tevez/David Beckham)

£18,000: Playing for your country (Ryan Giggs)

£19,000: Refusing a transfer to another club just so you can be overpaid for doing nothing (Amauri)

£20,000: Flopping in big games (Cristiano Ronaldo/Zlatan Ibrahimovic)


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Leave your suggestions below of other hypothetical fines you would expect to be issued by Felix Magath.

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