RSS
ATOM
advertisement
Top 10 Things To Expect From AC Milan-Manchester United & Inter-Chelsea
With Manchester United meeting Milan, and Chelsea tackling Inter, Carlo Garganese light-heartedly looks at 10 things to expect before, during and after the two Anglo-Italian ties…
|
Sign up with 188BET for a FREE bet up to £25 – Great Prices, Every Game |
|
Open an account with Sportingbet today and get up to £100 in free bets! |
|
Sign up with William Hill for a free bet up to £25 |
|
Sign up with bet365 for a free bet up to £200 |
|
Sign up with Paddy Power for a free bet up to £50 |
Feb 9, 2010 2:00:00 PM
By Carlo Garganese
Please note the below is satirical
10) Man Utd beat Milan at San Siro with Nani and Wayne Rooney running wild. After the game, United say that's what they usually do when facing a team funded by the Emirates. Silvio Berlusconi cancels the new sponsorship deal before the return leg and switches to LG, since Fulham did much better.
9) After Milan lose the first leg, vice president Adriano Galliani complains that if the ‘29-year-old’ Amantino Mancini hadn’t been cup-tied then the Rossoneri would have won.
8) Five-hundred Chelsea Headhunters cause havoc around Milan after spotting a podgy bald man they believe to be Tom Henning Ovrebo. The hooligans chase the man through Piazza Duomo until a local priest points out that it’s not Ovrebo but Galliani. ‘Uncle Fester’ electrocutes the gang.
7) Marcello Lippi attends Inter-Chelsea in order to check up on some Italian players for the national team. However, he is disappointed upon arrival when he learns that Sam Dalla Bona no longer plays for the Blues. “Oh well, hopefully Fabio Borini gets a few minutes at the end,” sighs Lippi.
6) Inter players' girlfriends and wives fly off to Antarctica in order to escape from John Terry. “We had to get away,” said the WAG spokeswoman. “He’s repulsive.”
5) Chelsea win, leading Inter coach Jose Mourinho to proclaim that it was his Chelsea side that won, not Carlo Ancelotti's. He also refuses to shake Carletto’s hand, and doesn’t speak to the Italian press for the remainder of the season.
4) Sulley Muntari doesn’t make the trip to London after losing his passport. It is later revealed that an Inter official hid the document deliberately in order to boost the Nerazzurri’s chances of winning.
3) For the seventeenth year in succession, English commentator David Pleat gets his political-geography all wrong. “Petr Cech and Marek Jankulovski are a real asset to Czechoslovakia,” says Pleat. “Portugal should be proud of Ronaldinho and Julio Cesar, as should the Holy Roman Empire of Michael Ballack.”
2) After Alexandre Pato's match-winning performance at Old Trafford, SKY Sports 'expert' Jamie Redknapp tells anyone who'll listen (not many of us) how much he's always admired him. This being the same Pato of whom Redknapp said in November: "I'll be honest, I know nothing about him.” Phil Thompson adds that Diego Milito has done well to have switched from his previous defensive role, not realising there's more than one Milito brother.
1) Marco Materazzi launches on Frank Lampard's foot and explains that it is that time of the year before the World Cup when a key England player must break his metatarsal. David Beckham in 2002, Wayne Rooney in 2006…now it's Frankie's turn. After the game Materazzi celebrates by wearing a Vanessa Perroncel mask, before swapping shirts with every Chelsea player.
10) Man Utd beat Milan at San Siro with Nani and Wayne Rooney running wild. After the game, United say that's what they usually do when facing a team funded by the Emirates. Silvio Berlusconi cancels the new sponsorship deal before the return leg and switches to LG, since Fulham did much better.
9) After Milan lose the first leg, vice president Adriano Galliani complains that if the ‘29-year-old’ Amantino Mancini hadn’t been cup-tied then the Rossoneri would have won.
8) Five-hundred Chelsea Headhunters cause havoc around Milan after spotting a podgy bald man they believe to be Tom Henning Ovrebo. The hooligans chase the man through Piazza Duomo until a local priest points out that it’s not Ovrebo but Galliani. ‘Uncle Fester’ electrocutes the gang.
7) Marcello Lippi attends Inter-Chelsea in order to check up on some Italian players for the national team. However, he is disappointed upon arrival when he learns that Sam Dalla Bona no longer plays for the Blues. “Oh well, hopefully Fabio Borini gets a few minutes at the end,” sighs Lippi.
6) Inter players' girlfriends and wives fly off to Antarctica in order to escape from John Terry. “We had to get away,” said the WAG spokeswoman. “He’s repulsive.”
|
Don't Miss...
"Steven Gerrard's hair has looked the same since he was about 12, meanwhile Pirlo tiptoes around trying not to mess up his flowing locks" You can find all our Man Utd-Milan editorial content here |
5) Chelsea win, leading Inter coach Jose Mourinho to proclaim that it was his Chelsea side that won, not Carlo Ancelotti's. He also refuses to shake Carletto’s hand, and doesn’t speak to the Italian press for the remainder of the season.
4) Sulley Muntari doesn’t make the trip to London after losing his passport. It is later revealed that an Inter official hid the document deliberately in order to boost the Nerazzurri’s chances of winning.
3) For the seventeenth year in succession, English commentator David Pleat gets his political-geography all wrong. “Petr Cech and Marek Jankulovski are a real asset to Czechoslovakia,” says Pleat. “Portugal should be proud of Ronaldinho and Julio Cesar, as should the Holy Roman Empire of Michael Ballack.”
2) After Alexandre Pato's match-winning performance at Old Trafford, SKY Sports 'expert' Jamie Redknapp tells anyone who'll listen (not many of us) how much he's always admired him. This being the same Pato of whom Redknapp said in November: "I'll be honest, I know nothing about him.” Phil Thompson adds that Diego Milito has done well to have switched from his previous defensive role, not realising there's more than one Milito brother.
1) Marco Materazzi launches on Frank Lampard's foot and explains that it is that time of the year before the World Cup when a key England player must break his metatarsal. David Beckham in 2002, Wayne Rooney in 2006…now it's Frankie's turn. After the game Materazzi celebrates by wearing a Vanessa Perroncel mask, before swapping shirts with every Chelsea player.
| Sign up with 188BET for a FREE bet up to £25 – Great Prices, Every Game |
|
| Open an account with Sportingbet today and get up to £100 in free bets! |
|
| Sign up with William Hill for a free bet up to £25 |
|
| Sign up with bet365 for a free bet up to £200 |
|
| Sign up with Paddy Power for a free bet up to £50 |
|
Thank you for your comment!
Please enter your name
Please enter your location
Please share your comment!
257 Comments
Advertisement
Inside Goal.Com
-
Key battles: Manchester United v Liverpool
The former Reds defender believes that the Uruguayan must put controversy to the back of his mind when his team face the champions
-
Capello-Terry debacle won't be the last FA scandal
Keir Radnedge takes a trip down memory lane and concludes that the FA will continue to frustrate friend and foe alike following the England manager's resignation
-
AC Milan have one match to get back on track
The Rossoneri appeared to be building momentum ahead of the Derby della Madonnina but since losing to Inter the flaws that were evident at the start of the season have resurfaced
-
The Sweeper: Bale will not renew Spurs contract
Goal.com can also reveal that Guus Hiddink is ready to consider a return to club management and explains how West Brom's coaches are the poor relations of the Premier League
-
Why Real Madrid don't want to host the Copa final
The capital club are doing everything in their power to prevent their fiercest rivals from turning their famous ground into a Blaugrana base for the day against Athletic Bilbao
Advertisement
Advertisement
