Goal.comedy: Top Ten Things To Expect From La Liga In The 2010-11 Season

Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo swap clubs, Hercules qualify for the Champions League, Raul and Guti return to Spain on loan with Atletico Madrid.

They’re probably not going to happen... but here’s a satirical look at ten things that might. Just don’t blame us if any catastrophic prediction becomes a reality.

10. Jose Mourinho’s head is on the chopping block by October as Real Madrid are dumped out of the Copa del Rey at the first hurdle again. Quits in November after getting sick of being sprayed by water sprinklers at every away ground.

9. Barcelona reignite the Cesc Fabregas soap opera in December as Arsenal are out of the Premier League title race by November.

8. Sevilla win their first ten games in a row in all competitions, proclaim themselves as genuine treble contenders, and finish the season with a new coach guiding them to sixth place.

7. Atletico Madrid win the UEFA Supercup, proclaim themselves as genuine treble candidates, and finish the season with a new coach guiding them to safety, one point away from relegation.

6. Rafa Nadal plays at right wing for Mallorca and helps the team finish fourth in La Liga, despite losing half the squad due to financial problems. Still won’t be allowed to play in Europe the next season.

5. A referee makes a wrong call on the coin toss at the start of a match involving Barcelona or Real Madrid and the whole of Spain cries of favouritism for La Liga’s Big Two after papers in the country zoom in on an image of the coin falling the other way.

4. Valencia re-sign David Silva and David Villa to help alleviate Manchester City and Barcelona’s crippling debt.

3. Real Madrid send Mesut Oezil, Sami Khedira and Angel Di Maria out on loan – to Getafe invariably – in January and splash €200 million to sign three new Galacticos.

2. Pep Guardiola summons Barcelona B’ coach Luis Enrique to his first team squad as he runs out of players to select.

1. Kaka out for the rest of the season with injury.

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