"With the signing of Cristiano Ronaldo, we will build many schools; we will feed the world with Madridismo." You could have opted for food, Florentino Perez, or at least signed Bono, but whatever works.
"Ronaldo? He is like a plane. He gives
us versatility, dribbling and speed. He ups our level." Okay, so not
only is 'CR9' a foodstuff, Michel Salgado believes he's also capable of flight. We're starting to see why the Madrid banks thought he was a good investment...
Is it a food? Is it a plane?
So, what can't he do? Worry Inter youngster Davide Santon apparently. "Ronaldo? He didn't scare me," he told Il Giornale. "I felt worse when I did my high school exams. He never beat me that night. If anything, he kept away."
"I haven't a clue what else I could have done [if I hadn't become a footballer]. I wasn't really the best in school," Wayne Rooney told The Sun. "I always enjoyed R.E. - so maybe a priest." 'On the seventh day, Sir Alex Ferguson created Eric Cantona'. You're pushing it, Wazza.
"We do live
in a world where the economy of the world ain't good at the moment. I
do hope that we will be able to find the right money so that those
poor guys don't have to come up to me any more and say 'where's your
billionaire?'. I'd love to find a billionaire." Who wants to wallow in champagne? Who wants a supersonic plane? Everton chairman Bill Kenwright does.
The Archetypal Frenchman
"Hartlepool United (England) - Monkey Hangers. Yes, you read it right. And yes, it means exactly what it says. A local urban legend has it that during the Napoleonic wars, a small ship washed up on the east coast of England near Hartlepool, and the only survivor was the ship's mascot - a monkey in full French uniform and regalia. The townsfolk, mistaking the creature for an actual Frenchman, held a trial on the beach, and with the monkey quite unable to present a defence, they had him hanged. The story's almost certainly a load of rubbish, but it's given rise to the the top nickname in our list." Ewan Macdonald talks nicknames.
"It is not often that Manchester United's transfer policy is met with a swift cleat to the jaw, simultaneously administered during a heavy douse of kidney-punching. An unpalatable, unwanted, and old fashioned double-whammy. You may be strong enough to stay standing, but it will buckle your knees and leave you gasping for breath, while you desperately try to regain your composure before competition re-starts next month." Alan Dawson gives Fergie's market strategy a brutal once-over.
"We could go on to ironically compare Michael Owen to Peter Pan, Arsene
Wenger to Buzz Lightyear (his Gunners don't work but many millions
around the world think he's a superhero), Roman Abramovich to Scrooge McDuck
(people swim in his money, surely), Carlos Tevez to Quasimodo (sorry;
he looked marvellous at his City presentation) and claim that the Liver
Bird was pricked by a spindle in 1990. But we won't." Greg Ptolomey wishes upon a star.
"I'm still reeling from the fact that
Falkirk once had the most expensive player in the world. That just
doesn't compute for me..." redoranje to which that man thedonraja added, "There's only one Falkirk FC. The original Galacticos. Eat your heart out, Perez." The stats and the handbags were out during the week.
Don't knock the Bairns, though - they destroyed Liechtensteinian
mega-beasts Vaduz to the tune of 1-0 in the Europa League qualifiers.
The forum fiends have also turned their attention towards footballer/celebrity lookalikes. Diego Milito and Sly Stallone; Gene Hackman and Luiz Felipe Scolari; Matt Damon and Michael Ballack; Dimitar Berbatov and Andy Garcia. It's all happening.Get reading and typing for your chance to be featured in the next edition of Quotes of the Week!