Fish & Chip Shots: Square One

By Shane Evans

This is about the time in the season when we start to separate the contenders from the pretenders. We see who is consistently performing at a high level, and who is sputtering down the depths of the table.

Form is key in this and when you don’t have the good kind, you’re in trouble. Almost three months in, we can see trends in form and really have a clear picture of who is going to make the most out of the season.

There are the teams like Chelsea and Manchester United who you know will get results. They have the players, the quality, the coaching to make it happen. This is evidenced by their place in the table.

You have the newly-promoted squads who you don’t expect much out of but have been known to pick up a few results here and there to make things interesting.

Outside of those two groups...it’s a crapshoot. This season, anyway.

As you have to with any talk of inconsistency and underachievement in the EPL this year, the conversation has to start with Liverpool. Where else?

I’m kind of getting tired of repeating myself. Something is wrong in this team and it needs to be fixed. Whether you think it’s Rafa’s fault or not, in cases like this, the manager is usually the one to take the fall. I’m not saying that’s going to happen, but Liverpool simply cannot afford to continue playing the way they are.

Bobby Zamora | When you let him score, you've got real problems.

They have five losses already this season. They have six wins. Those five losses is more than double their total from last season and, because of them, they sit a whopping nine points off the league’s top team, Chelsea.

Couple that with their awful performance in the Champions League (they are third in their group), the panic button has officially been pressed at Anfield. No kidding. The question is: what can be done to fix things? Besides the obvious, canning Rafa, they just need to get back to basics. Fulham outplayed them at the weekend. They wanted it more. That’s got nothing to do with form, that’s just determination and a will to succeed. Without it, you won’t really go far. The Reds had it last season. This term, it seems to be out the window. With a vital stretch ahead (Manchester City, Everton and Arsenal in three of the next five matches), Rafa will need to get the collective head of his team back on straight or it could be his noggin that gets the axe.

We all know misery loves company, and obviously there are other teams in the league who are playing below their potential.

The Reds’ crosstown buddies at Goodison Park are another perfect example. From day one they looked off. Playing below the gaudy expectations set before them, Everton have been as disappointing as a team can get this season. 12 points from 10 matches is the proof. Again, the question is why?

For my money, the squad just doesn’t feel together. They’ve lost a big cog in He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and have been without their captain, the good Neville brother for a better part of the season. The absence of Phil Jagielka and someone who can score consistently have also been legitimate worries.

Mikel Arteta | Sorely missed.

We cannot forget the main player who’ve the Toffees have been without for almost a year now: Mikel Arteta. He was the man who made things happen for Everton. He linked the play all over the field, and their end-of-season form last year shows how they missed him. Expected back later this month or early next, Arteta will be huge in saving the Merseyside club’s season. Then again, how much difference can one man make?

It’s not just the Liverpool clubs though. The almighty Manchester City squad has fallen on hard times lately, having suffered through four consecutive league draws. Four. That is not what you want to see from a team with as much fire power as they’ve got. Birmingham held them scoreless for Pete’s sake! I could knock a goal in on Birmingham and I’ve got the scoring touch of a three-legged donkey.

What needs to be done? Start playing like a team and realizing what’s at stake, given the supreme talent on the pitch. They’ve made strides, for sure, but often times this season, the Citizens have been playing as individuals, not as a unit. Of any sport out there, football is about playing as a team and depending on the guy next to you. It could be one of those “too many chiefs, not enough Indians” thing. Fourth place isn’t bad, so let’s wait it out and see. Only one loss though, not too bad…

Pickled Onions

Solid bounce-back week. I got the North London Derby right as Spurs came out totally flat and were outplayed by a much better team. The commentators kept saying that Arsenal put Spurs in their place. I’d have to agree. Keep those lofty aspirations in check, Harry.

Everton and Aston Villa battled to a decent 1-1 draw, when I thought David Moyes and co. would eek by and grab the win. Not a bad result for either side, though I’m sure both managers would like to one-up each other as they are so often compared. A point will have to suffice.

At Old Trafford, Manchester United took care of business, but slowly. In a match that perfectly demonstrates the slow and often frustrating play of the Red Devils, United were held scoreless until the second half and easily could have given up a goal before putting it away late on. A win is a win, sure, but sometimes you just gotta blow ‘em out of the water. Ask Chelsea, it’s their thing…

Overall: 19-9

Almost doubling up my losses with wins. Not a bad record really. I wonder how many wins I’ll have to get before people start taking me seriously. Near 100, I’m sure…

Mushy Peas

(Kai) Wayne Rooney | Mummmmmmmmyyyy!

I think we are all in agreement here in saying that the biggest news of the week, perhaps the entire year is that Wayne Rooney is now a father. Kai Wayne Rooney was born sometime yesterday, somewhere in England. Shrek, Jr! What irks me about all this, is that I am older than Wayne Rooney. Only by a few weeks, mind you, but he is everything in the world that I wish I was. An amazing footballer, married to a lovely model-type, ridiculously wealthy. Alas, at least I have my stunning good looks. Wayne wasn't that lucky…

I’ve been ignorant to every other slice of news out there in the footballing world since the Rooney announcement. Couple that with me getting my paws on Football Manager 2010, I’ve been nearing hermit status. The game, I might add, is incredible. A bit different than ’09, but in a good way.

Outside of that, we have some Champions League action this week. Always fun, right? I just wish it wasn’t on Fox Soccer Channel. Not they are second rate to ESPN or anything...OK, who am I kidding, they are. The coverage just isn’t as good. Plus, no HD? That is a big no-no. It’s nearly 2010!

As far as the matches go, three of the four English sides should be OK. Manchester United will welcome CSKA Moscow to Old Trafford, and even without Wayne Rooney, should be just fine. Chelsea and Arsenal face Atletico Madrid and AZ Alkmaar, respectively and should get results there.

Liverpool? Eh, I’m staying out of it…

The Fixins’

Superman of the Week: Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal

The kid can do it all. Somewhat inspired by my friend above, Arsenal have been tearing it up and Fab is the main reason. Supported by a host of skilled and technically brilliant players, he’s shined under Arsene Wenger and is receiving praise like it’s going out of style. Even from me, and I rarely shine a bright light on the Gooners. In this case it’s more than deserved and Cesc, despite being only 22, is becoming one of the world’s best. Shame he still gets dressed in the dark…

Tweet of the Week: @usofarsenal

“@shanEvans i've got a TOTW: stop being a [expletive] and let's play some fifa10...girl.

He has a way with words, he surely does. Two week in with FIFA and he thinks he’s ready to take me on. I disagree.

Team of the Week: Portsmouth

Four goals! Four!!! That’s almost their total for the entire season. Wigan must be very disappointed getting beaten by the team who are sitting nice and comfortably in last place, but a breakout match was bound to happen sooner or later. I’m a big fan of Paul Hart and find it extremely unfortunate what has happened to this team in the last year or so. Wins like this do oodles for morale and hopefully they’ll pick it up in the coming weeks and let Hull take the basement spot.

Rotten Egg of the Week: Rio Ferdinand, Manchester United

Should I change it to season? All you Red Devil-haters out there would probably love that. Once (like two months ago) one of the best center backs in the world, Ferdinand has suffered an incredible dip in form and his head is now on the line. Oh how quick we turn on those we love. Personally, I think it’s all fabricated and exacerbated for no reason. Yes, he’s definitely made some mistakes and should be subject to some criticism, but if you think for one minute that he still isn’t one of the best defenders in the EPL, you’re wrong. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have much time to turn it around, especially with my long-lost Irish cousin knocking on the door.

Goal of the Week: Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal

Cesc Fabregas | Taking over the world

Should I change it to season? No, this isn’t a repeat of the Rio rant, this is me saying that Cesc’s goal against Spurs could easily be goal of the year right now. He looked like a kid on the playground schooling all his inferior and talentless friends. I feel like I’ve been in that situation before, except it certainly wasn’t me scoring. If you haven’t seen the goal, by all means, have a look. No need to explain it really.

Gaffe of the Week: Liverpool’s defense

Two red cards. Yikes. I saw the challenges and they were questionable straight reds, but at the same time, both tackles were a bit unnecessary and could have been avoiding, Degen’s in particular. Carragher’s was a bit more soft, but he seemed out of position, which is becoming a trend for him, and had to bring down Zamora. I can’t wait to see the Reds' line-up this weekend...

Game of the Week: Sunderland 2-2 West Ham

Losing to an inferior team, Sunderland fought back and snatched a point from Gio Zola’s hands. These are the kind of results Steve Bruce will be happy with. With Spurs up next (DB the Truth is jacked up for this one!), the Black Cats will take points like this. Plus, how can you not like a comeback? They are always so exciting!

Shane Evans is an Associate Editor of Goal.com. His feature, "Fish & Chip Shots" appears weekly. Contact Shane at shane.evans@goal.com with questions, comments and concerns or follow him on Twitter at https://www.twitter.com/shanevans

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