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The Full English: Back in the EPL Swing
Goal.com's Shane Evans is certainly glad the EPL is back, as this is his first true TFE of 2009. Read on for resolutions a plenty!
Jan 9, 2009 9:58:47 AM
By Shane Evans
Back in the swing. That’s right. We are going to say that this weekend is the official start of the new year for not only this disillusioned journo, but the English Premier League as well. As we all know, the FA Cup dominated last weekend, the first calendar weekend of 2009.
This weekend? All EPL, baby. We have some crackers as well. A clash between two members of the oft-debated 'big four,' the return of a star striker, a seaside derby, and well, Fulham is playing, which is news enough for me these days.
Doesn’t my excitement just jump right off the page? That’s what I’m going for anyway. I’m ready. I’m ready to get this year going. To finally get my countless new year’s resolutions off the ground and make things happen in 2009. The same can be said, I’m sure, about every team in the EPL. So in an effort to make the column more appealing, lets add a little feature in here detailing what the new year’s resolution should be for every team in the league, plus a grade of how 2008 went.
I am seriously too good to you folks, a little appreciation would be lovely. But since this one may take a while, let’s get started. 2009, here we come!
The Bacon (as in Bringing it Home)
Manchester United v. Chelsea (Old Trafford, January 11th, 11:00 a.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
This one is huge. Massive. Gargantuan. The teams are separated by four points, with Manchester having two games in hand. Whoever takes the points from this one could have a major advantage as the stretch run starts in the coming months.
When you look at each team’s form, you see two different stories. Despite a b-team loss in the Carling Cup (who cares about the Carling Cup, anyways?), Manchester United have been in impressive form, slowly but surely gaining momentum over the last month and a half or so. In other words, watch out EPL, the champs are getting their act together.
Chelsea on the other hand are playing football that can be described as nothing else but frustrating. A locker room divide and little-to-no goal-scoring has caused Big Phil’s boys to cry harder than my loyalty-confused roommate Zach when the Tampa Bay Bucs lost four straight games and missed the playoffs, thus giving the Eagles the final playoff position. That’s a lot of crying.
When you get right down to it, Chelsea could be the most talented team in the league, so when their players get it together and want to play, they are extremely dangerous.
My initial prediction? Game of the year. We have a little play on words here, because you have to wonder do I mean, the game of 2009 or the game of the 2008/09 season? Honestly, it could go either way, as we have learned from the previous bore-fests between these two (i.e. 2008 Champions League Final).
TFE Prediction: The real Reds are too good at home, and Chelsea are still too caught up in their own egos. It’s close, but United eek out a 2-1 win. Bonus bit: Ronnie plays big for once in a big game.
Wigan v. Tottenham (JJB Stadium, January 11th, 8:30 a.m. ET, Setanta Sports)
Well, we are just over a week into the transfer window, and Steve Bruce’s grip on his star players is still pretty strong. It should last through the weekend at least. The same can’t be said for Tony Adams and Pompey as Jermain Defoe became the latest Portsmouth player to jump ship, following Lassana Diarra out the door. Defoe’s destination? Tottenham Hotspur, the team he left under a year ago. Amazing what an influence a manager swap can have on a player’s future.
So Tottenham now boast two of my favorite English strikers, Defoe, and the wondrous Darren Bent. EPL trophy, here we come! Not quite, but they are certainly going to score some goals, especially when you add Roman Pavlychenko to the mix.
Goals it is then.
TFE Prediction: Tottenham get the most out of their £15 million spent on Defoe, as the striker (re)debuts and nets a pair in an exciting 3-2 win for Spurs.
Middlesbrough v. Sunderland (The Riverside, January 10th, 8:00 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel (delay))
Anyone care about this one outside of north-eastern England? It’s a derby, sure. Will there be goals? Could be. Probably not, though. I have one thing to say about this match: FREE STU! FREE STU! FREE STU!
It basically goes against my whole belief that teams should hold on to their best players so the team can succeed, but Stewart Downing has been a loyal Middlesbrough player for too long, and has seen absolutely no success. It’s time for him to move on and see his career take-off, like it should have three years ago.
TFE Prediction: No one watches, but both teams play hard for their managers and a final score of 1-1 is somehow produced.
Fulham v. Blackburn (Craven Cottage, January 10th, 10:00 a.m ET, not televised)
Why isn’t Fulham televised every week they play? Why? Why? Why? Doesn’t make sense to me. They are the in-vogue team in the EPL this year. And they have Clint Dempsey! Jeez.
Anyway, Blackburn have been playing better under Big Sam, but not good enough to end Fulham’s remarkable nine-game unbeaten streak.
TFE Prediction: Clint does it again, and Fulham continue their march up the table, beating the Rovers 2-1.
Beans On Toast: The Year That Was 2008
Some quick 2009 new year’s resolutions for each team, like I mentioned before, and a grade of each team’s performance, or lack thereof, in 2008.
Arsenal: Stop playing like Arsenal, start playing like Arsenal. ’08 Grade: B-
Aston Villa: No change. None. Nope. ’08 Grade: A-
Blackburn Rovers: Skip back a year and morph into the Rovers of 07/08...and quick. ’08 Grade: C-
Bolton: Fire Gary Megson...uhh, I mean, score more goals? ’08 Grade: C+
Chelsea: Go on a team retreat once a month. Practice trust falls over and over and over. ’08 Grade: B+
Everton: Take more vitamins. Stretch more. Drink more milk. ’08 Grade: B
Fulham: See Aston Villa. ’08 Grade: B+
Hull City: Watch footage from August through early October. ’08 Grade: B-
Liverpool: Prepare for the storm that’s coming...EL NINO. ’08 Grade: A
Manchester City: Be smart with piggy bank. Even if it is the size of Eastlands, itself. ’08 Grade: C+
Manchester United: Be yourself, it works. ’08 Grade: A-
Middlesbrough: Think about relocating. Spain is nice. ’08 Grade: C
Newcastle: Force Michael Owen to stay at St. James Park by applying some sort of shock collar. ’08 Grade: C
Portsmouth: Prepare for life in the Championship. ’08 Grade: C-
Stoke City: Remember life in the Championship. ’08 Grade: C-
Sunderland: Be strong, things will get better in time. ’08 Grade: C+
Tottenham Hotspur: Less magic tricks, please. ’08 Grade: B-
West Bromich Albion: Get used to life in the Championship. ’08 Grade: D+
West Ham: No more Argentines. Ever. ’08 Grade: C
Wigan Athletic: Pray for February. ’08 Grade: B-
The Toast (as in Of The EPL)
Ronaldo, Manchester United: The explosive winger exploded something of his own when he crashed his Ferrari earlier this week. Nice work, sonny. Maybe now he’ll finally blow up on the field and start scoring goals for United like he should be.
Andrei Arshavin, Zenit St. Petersburg: Arsenal, eh? Should be a good laugh. Personally, I don’t rate him. He played well in EUROs. Big deal. He’s 27. I don’t get it. Just like I don’t get the following:
Wayne Bridge, Manchester City: £10 million? Really? I still can’t believe it. It must be nice to have that kind of dosh.
The Dressing (as in What to Wear):
2006/2008 Liverpool Home - Steven Gerrard - 2007 Champions League Final Edition
Could be my favorite jersey ever. Has the gold stitching on the front detailing the final game. A real classic Reds look. Sure, they lost the game, but the jersey is really cool. Not sure how I feel about collars though. They don’t seem right on footy kits, even though they're everywhere. What do you think?
Leicester Update:
First place. Come on May, get here already. Oh, and Matty Fryatt hasn’t left yet. He actually signed a three year contract extension. Look out, world! So good job Milan. Now, sign some players. And expand the stadium. And get promoted two years on the trot. Yea, wishful thinking.
And Finally...The Black Pudding of the Week:
Graham Poll, former top English referee: He’s right.
Shane Evans is an associate editor of Goal.com His feature "The Full English" appears every Friday morning.
Back in the swing. That’s right. We are going to say that this weekend is the official start of the new year for not only this disillusioned journo, but the English Premier League as well. As we all know, the FA Cup dominated last weekend, the first calendar weekend of 2009.
This weekend? All EPL, baby. We have some crackers as well. A clash between two members of the oft-debated 'big four,' the return of a star striker, a seaside derby, and well, Fulham is playing, which is news enough for me these days.
Doesn’t my excitement just jump right off the page? That’s what I’m going for anyway. I’m ready. I’m ready to get this year going. To finally get my countless new year’s resolutions off the ground and make things happen in 2009. The same can be said, I’m sure, about every team in the EPL. So in an effort to make the column more appealing, lets add a little feature in here detailing what the new year’s resolution should be for every team in the league, plus a grade of how 2008 went.
I am seriously too good to you folks, a little appreciation would be lovely. But since this one may take a while, let’s get started. 2009, here we come!
The Bacon (as in Bringing it Home)
Manchester United v. Chelsea (Old Trafford, January 11th, 11:00 a.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
This one is huge. Massive. Gargantuan. The teams are separated by four points, with Manchester having two games in hand. Whoever takes the points from this one could have a major advantage as the stretch run starts in the coming months.
When you look at each team’s form, you see two different stories. Despite a b-team loss in the Carling Cup (who cares about the Carling Cup, anyways?), Manchester United have been in impressive form, slowly but surely gaining momentum over the last month and a half or so. In other words, watch out EPL, the champs are getting their act together.
Chelsea on the other hand are playing football that can be described as nothing else but frustrating. A locker room divide and little-to-no goal-scoring has caused Big Phil’s boys to cry harder than my loyalty-confused roommate Zach when the Tampa Bay Bucs lost four straight games and missed the playoffs, thus giving the Eagles the final playoff position. That’s a lot of crying.
When you get right down to it, Chelsea could be the most talented team in the league, so when their players get it together and want to play, they are extremely dangerous.
My initial prediction? Game of the year. We have a little play on words here, because you have to wonder do I mean, the game of 2009 or the game of the 2008/09 season? Honestly, it could go either way, as we have learned from the previous bore-fests between these two (i.e. 2008 Champions League Final).
TFE Prediction: The real Reds are too good at home, and Chelsea are still too caught up in their own egos. It’s close, but United eek out a 2-1 win. Bonus bit: Ronnie plays big for once in a big game.
Wigan v. Tottenham (JJB Stadium, January 11th, 8:30 a.m. ET, Setanta Sports)
Well, we are just over a week into the transfer window, and Steve Bruce’s grip on his star players is still pretty strong. It should last through the weekend at least. The same can’t be said for Tony Adams and Pompey as Jermain Defoe became the latest Portsmouth player to jump ship, following Lassana Diarra out the door. Defoe’s destination? Tottenham Hotspur, the team he left under a year ago. Amazing what an influence a manager swap can have on a player’s future.
So Tottenham now boast two of my favorite English strikers, Defoe, and the wondrous Darren Bent. EPL trophy, here we come! Not quite, but they are certainly going to score some goals, especially when you add Roman Pavlychenko to the mix.
Goals it is then.
TFE Prediction: Tottenham get the most out of their £15 million spent on Defoe, as the striker (re)debuts and nets a pair in an exciting 3-2 win for Spurs.
Middlesbrough v. Sunderland (The Riverside, January 10th, 8:00 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel (delay))
Anyone care about this one outside of north-eastern England? It’s a derby, sure. Will there be goals? Could be. Probably not, though. I have one thing to say about this match: FREE STU! FREE STU! FREE STU!
It basically goes against my whole belief that teams should hold on to their best players so the team can succeed, but Stewart Downing has been a loyal Middlesbrough player for too long, and has seen absolutely no success. It’s time for him to move on and see his career take-off, like it should have three years ago.
TFE Prediction: No one watches, but both teams play hard for their managers and a final score of 1-1 is somehow produced.
Fulham v. Blackburn (Craven Cottage, January 10th, 10:00 a.m ET, not televised)
Why isn’t Fulham televised every week they play? Why? Why? Why? Doesn’t make sense to me. They are the in-vogue team in the EPL this year. And they have Clint Dempsey! Jeez.
Anyway, Blackburn have been playing better under Big Sam, but not good enough to end Fulham’s remarkable nine-game unbeaten streak.
TFE Prediction: Clint does it again, and Fulham continue their march up the table, beating the Rovers 2-1.
Beans On Toast: The Year That Was 2008
Some quick 2009 new year’s resolutions for each team, like I mentioned before, and a grade of each team’s performance, or lack thereof, in 2008.
Arsenal: Stop playing like Arsenal, start playing like Arsenal. ’08 Grade: B-
Aston Villa: No change. None. Nope. ’08 Grade: A-
Blackburn Rovers: Skip back a year and morph into the Rovers of 07/08...and quick. ’08 Grade: C-
Bolton: Fire Gary Megson...uhh, I mean, score more goals? ’08 Grade: C+
Chelsea: Go on a team retreat once a month. Practice trust falls over and over and over. ’08 Grade: B+
Everton: Take more vitamins. Stretch more. Drink more milk. ’08 Grade: B
Fulham: See Aston Villa. ’08 Grade: B+
Hull City: Watch footage from August through early October. ’08 Grade: B-
Liverpool: Prepare for the storm that’s coming...EL NINO. ’08 Grade: A
Manchester City: Be smart with piggy bank. Even if it is the size of Eastlands, itself. ’08 Grade: C+
Manchester United: Be yourself, it works. ’08 Grade: A-
Middlesbrough: Think about relocating. Spain is nice. ’08 Grade: C
Newcastle: Force Michael Owen to stay at St. James Park by applying some sort of shock collar. ’08 Grade: C
Portsmouth: Prepare for life in the Championship. ’08 Grade: C-
Stoke City: Remember life in the Championship. ’08 Grade: C-
Sunderland: Be strong, things will get better in time. ’08 Grade: C+
Tottenham Hotspur: Less magic tricks, please. ’08 Grade: B-
West Bromich Albion: Get used to life in the Championship. ’08 Grade: D+
West Ham: No more Argentines. Ever. ’08 Grade: C
Wigan Athletic: Pray for February. ’08 Grade: B-
The Toast (as in Of The EPL)
Ronaldo, Manchester United: The explosive winger exploded something of his own when he crashed his Ferrari earlier this week. Nice work, sonny. Maybe now he’ll finally blow up on the field and start scoring goals for United like he should be.
Andrei Arshavin, Zenit St. Petersburg: Arsenal, eh? Should be a good laugh. Personally, I don’t rate him. He played well in EUROs. Big deal. He’s 27. I don’t get it. Just like I don’t get the following:
Wayne Bridge, Manchester City: £10 million? Really? I still can’t believe it. It must be nice to have that kind of dosh.
The Dressing (as in What to Wear):
2006/2008 Liverpool Home - Steven Gerrard - 2007 Champions League Final Edition
Could be my favorite jersey ever. Has the gold stitching on the front detailing the final game. A real classic Reds look. Sure, they lost the game, but the jersey is really cool. Not sure how I feel about collars though. They don’t seem right on footy kits, even though they're everywhere. What do you think?
Leicester Update:
First place. Come on May, get here already. Oh, and Matty Fryatt hasn’t left yet. He actually signed a three year contract extension. Look out, world! So good job Milan. Now, sign some players. And expand the stadium. And get promoted two years on the trot. Yea, wishful thinking.
And Finally...The Black Pudding of the Week:
Graham Poll, former top English referee: He’s right.
Shane Evans is an associate editor of Goal.com His feature "The Full English" appears every Friday morning.
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