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The Full English: Miles Away
Flying miles above our heads, Goal.com's Shane Evans writes his latest installment of the Full English.
Dec 19, 2008 8:27:53 AM
By Shane Evans
(OVER) GREENLAND, Atlantic Ocean -- I come to you this week from 35,000 feet above the Atlantic Ocean, coasting blissfully back home to the United States of America. My trip to England has come to a much-too-rapid end and I must return to the day-to-day routine that is my life in the second colony, Pennsylvania.
Obviously, all you frequent flyers (and those of you with a shred of common sense), know I don’t have any type of internet connection up this high. No way can I check my facts or my player name spellings via Wikipedia. I can’t easily obtain point totals or goal differentials. I don’t know whether Dimi Berbatov felt like getting out of bed today. Nothing. I’m doing this one blind, people. Why? Hmm. Not really sure. To kill some time on this agonizing eight-and-a-half hour flight, maybe. Maybe because it’s more of a challenge to write this way. It brings me back to yesteryear and all that nonsense. Regardless, this is how it’s going to be for this column.
I will be honest and say the only tool I will use is today’s copy of the journalistic wonder that is the Daily Sport. A half-naked hottie on the front page, and footy plastered on the back. The innards? Not much of anything really. But yes, I’ll be using it just to get my fixture specifics into the column, and for nothing more. Let’s hope they’re in there.
[Scans newspaper madly for the weekend’s fixtures]
Well, the Daily Sport was absolutely no help. It was about three pages of pretty ridiculous football rumors, and about 47 pages of sex adverts. Worth the 50p, though. Luckily, I remembered I had a copy of Nuts in my bag. The best magazine ever printed, if you ask me. After sifting through the TV guide in the back portion, I found three matches to cover. Maybe four. We’ll see how I feel when the stale air in here finally gets to me and I hit the G&Ts.
Righto, chaps...let’s have at it.
The Bacon (as in Bringing it Home)
Arsenal v. Liverpool (The Emirates Stadium, November 21st, 11:00 a.m ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
Seventeen games in and an unimpressive and inconsistent Arsenal squad open the doors of the Emirates to first place Liverpool. Eight points separate the two teams (The Daily Sport was good for a league table, of sorts) and if the Gooners don’t collect something in this one, they can basically kiss their dream of catching Liverpool goodbye, if they haven’t already.
I was watching Sky Sports the other day and apparently Wenger’s whiz kids haven’t won a trophy since Patrick Viera left for Italy. Since I can’t check that fact, I'm going to run with it, but I’m quite certain that was said. Interesting really. The quintessential leader/veteran presence/field general leaves the team, and since then they can’t get their act together. Obviously, there have been other players who to tried to fill the void (Billy Gallas, anyone?), but it just hasn’t been the same since he left.
In another one of my lovely tangents, I would give my right pinkie toe to have Viera be the designated player of the Philly MLS franchise. He totally embodies the city and what we’re about, even if he’s French.
Anyway, Liverpool haven’t exactly been strutting their stuff in first place, barely scraping a 2-2 draw with Hull. Fernando Torres is still out, and the once promising acquisition that was Robbie Keane is fading faster than my patience with the woman sitting rudely in front of me on this cramped airplane. Stevie G had to save them last weekend, netting a brace for his beloved Reds. So what happens this weekend? Upset? Toughy.
TFE Prediction: If Arsenal had Gerrard on their team, they’d win the league for the next three years. But they don’t. Liverpool play the naughty guest, snatching it 2-1.
West Ham vs. Aston Villa (Upton Park, November 20th, 12:30 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
Claret and blue. What a weird color combination. I didn’t even know claret was a color until I heard about it in reference to these teams. So, a weird color combination for a team to call their own, let alone two top flighters. Looks like West Ham will get to wear their nice purpley-maroney shirts since they are home and Villa be stuck with their ugly striped green monstrosities. Better than the Hammers away shirts, however. Football shirt fashion is kind of my thing. I have around 45 of them.
Right, yes, football, focus. These two teams? Obviously a tale of two clubs going in opposite directions. Villa are performing extremely well in the league, recently knocking off Bolton 4-2, and despite their B-team’s hiccup in a mostly useless UEFA Cup match, their overall form has been quite impressive across the board.
West Ham on the other hand are in financial trouble, big trouble. Talk about coming into a team at the wrong time. Gio Zola may have to sell quite a few of his top players in January just for the books to stay in the black. I’m talking Matthew Upson, Robert Green, Mark Noble, the lot. Tis a shame. The form isn’t there either, sorry.
TFE Prediction: Martin O’Neill, bless him, won’t allow the Villans to perform below his standards two matches in a row, whether it’s the first team, second team, or the pub team. Villa come out slugging, ends 3-1.
Newcastle vs. Tottenham (St. James’ Park, November 21st, 5:00 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel (delay))
UEFA Cup hopefuls? Not gonna to happen. Two teams on the rise? Eh. Two teams who will settle for lower mid-table mediocrity until the summer when the re-tooling begins thanks to some ‘new’ money? Much more likely.
Still, should be a good match though, as the managers of both sides have their teams fighting for points, and wanting them, not just lacing their boots up for a paycheck. That's good to see. Newcastle thrashed Pompey 3-0 at the weekend, while high-flying Manchester United were held by Harry and the boys 0-0.
I like the fact that Newcastle is finally scoring goals. Wait, tangent time: I didn’t have one Newcastle Brown Ale while I was in England! What on earth is wrong with me?! Yeah, so Newcastle is scoring goals, or starting too, which will please Joe Kinnear. But with Michael Owen’s impending exit (more on him in the Toast), I can’t see it lasting. Tottenham, on the other hand, have Darren Bent. And he isn’t going anywhere, but up the top goal-scorers list.
TFE Prediction: I really like Michael Owen. But I love Darren Bent. I love Newcastle Brown more than them both combined. Push. A 2-2 score earns a deserved point for both teams.
West Brom v. Manchester City (The Hawthorns, November 21st, 8:25 a.m. ET, Setanta Sports)
Well, if Man City don’t win this one, especially being it’s the day after I go to the Oasis concert (I’ll be there rocking while you’re reading on Friday morning/afternoon/evening), things are seriously off at Eastlands. Are you listening, Mark Hughes?
Win or it’s drop zone. Still glad you came to England, Robo?
TFE Prediction: The Citizens FINALLY get it right and put a hurting on last place West Brom, 3-0
The Toast (as in Of The EPL)
Michael Owen, Newcastle: The England legend, who can’t cut a break with the Three Lions these days, has found a streak of good form, not to mention that he’s healthy. Owen is scoring goals, and regularly. What’s that get the soon-to-be out-of-contract striker? A renewal offer with a significant pay cut. I mean, come on, Mike Ashley. He isn’t the player he once was, we all know that, but he still deserves to get paid, especially if you have any interest in keeping him on Tyneside. Apparently not. A romantic Liverpool reunion sounds lovely. See ya, Robbie!
Peter Crouch, Portsmouth: Crouchinho scored two goals in Pompey’s 3-0 win against Heerenveen. Lovely stuff. People have always said the lad has great feet. You don’t realize it until you watch the EPL’s tallest player scoot around the pitch with the ball at his feet. Unbelievable.
‘Big Sam’ Allardyce, Blackburn Rovers: One of the most vocal and visible managers the EPL has seen in the last ten years is back in charge of a lower-table team, with the hopes of keeping them up. It’s what he does best, and as much as I love Paul Ince and disagreed with his firing, there isn’t anyone else I’d prefer for the job.
Leicester Update: Still in first place. Merchandise sales have been up 200% in the last three and a half weeks. Took sudden slide ahead going into the weekend. Reports suggest some crazy Yank has been buying up all their gear.
And Finally...The Black Pudding of the Week
Martin Jol, Hamburg SV: The wily manager of over-achieving Hamburg showed the Premier League and more importantly Tottenham that they were wrong to show him the door last season. Hamburg thoroughly beat Aston Villa in the UEFA Cup and sit fourth in the Bundesliga with hopes of first place only five points away. Some think Sunderland is calling, will he answer? How could he not, even if he is so many miles away. Eh, it’s the time difference and all that.
Shane Evans is an associate editor of Goal.com. His feature "The Full English" appears every Friday morning. You can reach him at shane.evans@goal.com with any questions or comments.
(OVER) GREENLAND, Atlantic Ocean -- I come to you this week from 35,000 feet above the Atlantic Ocean, coasting blissfully back home to the United States of America. My trip to England has come to a much-too-rapid end and I must return to the day-to-day routine that is my life in the second colony, Pennsylvania.
Obviously, all you frequent flyers (and those of you with a shred of common sense), know I don’t have any type of internet connection up this high. No way can I check my facts or my player name spellings via Wikipedia. I can’t easily obtain point totals or goal differentials. I don’t know whether Dimi Berbatov felt like getting out of bed today. Nothing. I’m doing this one blind, people. Why? Hmm. Not really sure. To kill some time on this agonizing eight-and-a-half hour flight, maybe. Maybe because it’s more of a challenge to write this way. It brings me back to yesteryear and all that nonsense. Regardless, this is how it’s going to be for this column.
I will be honest and say the only tool I will use is today’s copy of the journalistic wonder that is the Daily Sport. A half-naked hottie on the front page, and footy plastered on the back. The innards? Not much of anything really. But yes, I’ll be using it just to get my fixture specifics into the column, and for nothing more. Let’s hope they’re in there.
[Scans newspaper madly for the weekend’s fixtures]
Well, the Daily Sport was absolutely no help. It was about three pages of pretty ridiculous football rumors, and about 47 pages of sex adverts. Worth the 50p, though. Luckily, I remembered I had a copy of Nuts in my bag. The best magazine ever printed, if you ask me. After sifting through the TV guide in the back portion, I found three matches to cover. Maybe four. We’ll see how I feel when the stale air in here finally gets to me and I hit the G&Ts.
Righto, chaps...let’s have at it.
The Bacon (as in Bringing it Home)
Arsenal v. Liverpool (The Emirates Stadium, November 21st, 11:00 a.m ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
Seventeen games in and an unimpressive and inconsistent Arsenal squad open the doors of the Emirates to first place Liverpool. Eight points separate the two teams (The Daily Sport was good for a league table, of sorts) and if the Gooners don’t collect something in this one, they can basically kiss their dream of catching Liverpool goodbye, if they haven’t already.
I was watching Sky Sports the other day and apparently Wenger’s whiz kids haven’t won a trophy since Patrick Viera left for Italy. Since I can’t check that fact, I'm going to run with it, but I’m quite certain that was said. Interesting really. The quintessential leader/veteran presence/field general leaves the team, and since then they can’t get their act together. Obviously, there have been other players who to tried to fill the void (Billy Gallas, anyone?), but it just hasn’t been the same since he left.
In another one of my lovely tangents, I would give my right pinkie toe to have Viera be the designated player of the Philly MLS franchise. He totally embodies the city and what we’re about, even if he’s French.
Anyway, Liverpool haven’t exactly been strutting their stuff in first place, barely scraping a 2-2 draw with Hull. Fernando Torres is still out, and the once promising acquisition that was Robbie Keane is fading faster than my patience with the woman sitting rudely in front of me on this cramped airplane. Stevie G had to save them last weekend, netting a brace for his beloved Reds. So what happens this weekend? Upset? Toughy.
TFE Prediction: If Arsenal had Gerrard on their team, they’d win the league for the next three years. But they don’t. Liverpool play the naughty guest, snatching it 2-1.
West Ham vs. Aston Villa (Upton Park, November 20th, 12:30 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
Claret and blue. What a weird color combination. I didn’t even know claret was a color until I heard about it in reference to these teams. So, a weird color combination for a team to call their own, let alone two top flighters. Looks like West Ham will get to wear their nice purpley-maroney shirts since they are home and Villa be stuck with their ugly striped green monstrosities. Better than the Hammers away shirts, however. Football shirt fashion is kind of my thing. I have around 45 of them.
Right, yes, football, focus. These two teams? Obviously a tale of two clubs going in opposite directions. Villa are performing extremely well in the league, recently knocking off Bolton 4-2, and despite their B-team’s hiccup in a mostly useless UEFA Cup match, their overall form has been quite impressive across the board.
West Ham on the other hand are in financial trouble, big trouble. Talk about coming into a team at the wrong time. Gio Zola may have to sell quite a few of his top players in January just for the books to stay in the black. I’m talking Matthew Upson, Robert Green, Mark Noble, the lot. Tis a shame. The form isn’t there either, sorry.
TFE Prediction: Martin O’Neill, bless him, won’t allow the Villans to perform below his standards two matches in a row, whether it’s the first team, second team, or the pub team. Villa come out slugging, ends 3-1.
Newcastle vs. Tottenham (St. James’ Park, November 21st, 5:00 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel (delay))
UEFA Cup hopefuls? Not gonna to happen. Two teams on the rise? Eh. Two teams who will settle for lower mid-table mediocrity until the summer when the re-tooling begins thanks to some ‘new’ money? Much more likely.
Still, should be a good match though, as the managers of both sides have their teams fighting for points, and wanting them, not just lacing their boots up for a paycheck. That's good to see. Newcastle thrashed Pompey 3-0 at the weekend, while high-flying Manchester United were held by Harry and the boys 0-0.
I like the fact that Newcastle is finally scoring goals. Wait, tangent time: I didn’t have one Newcastle Brown Ale while I was in England! What on earth is wrong with me?! Yeah, so Newcastle is scoring goals, or starting too, which will please Joe Kinnear. But with Michael Owen’s impending exit (more on him in the Toast), I can’t see it lasting. Tottenham, on the other hand, have Darren Bent. And he isn’t going anywhere, but up the top goal-scorers list.
TFE Prediction: I really like Michael Owen. But I love Darren Bent. I love Newcastle Brown more than them both combined. Push. A 2-2 score earns a deserved point for both teams.
West Brom v. Manchester City (The Hawthorns, November 21st, 8:25 a.m. ET, Setanta Sports)
Well, if Man City don’t win this one, especially being it’s the day after I go to the Oasis concert (I’ll be there rocking while you’re reading on Friday morning/afternoon/evening), things are seriously off at Eastlands. Are you listening, Mark Hughes?
Win or it’s drop zone. Still glad you came to England, Robo?
TFE Prediction: The Citizens FINALLY get it right and put a hurting on last place West Brom, 3-0
The Toast (as in Of The EPL)
Michael Owen, Newcastle: The England legend, who can’t cut a break with the Three Lions these days, has found a streak of good form, not to mention that he’s healthy. Owen is scoring goals, and regularly. What’s that get the soon-to-be out-of-contract striker? A renewal offer with a significant pay cut. I mean, come on, Mike Ashley. He isn’t the player he once was, we all know that, but he still deserves to get paid, especially if you have any interest in keeping him on Tyneside. Apparently not. A romantic Liverpool reunion sounds lovely. See ya, Robbie!
Peter Crouch, Portsmouth: Crouchinho scored two goals in Pompey’s 3-0 win against Heerenveen. Lovely stuff. People have always said the lad has great feet. You don’t realize it until you watch the EPL’s tallest player scoot around the pitch with the ball at his feet. Unbelievable.
‘Big Sam’ Allardyce, Blackburn Rovers: One of the most vocal and visible managers the EPL has seen in the last ten years is back in charge of a lower-table team, with the hopes of keeping them up. It’s what he does best, and as much as I love Paul Ince and disagreed with his firing, there isn’t anyone else I’d prefer for the job.
Leicester Update: Still in first place. Merchandise sales have been up 200% in the last three and a half weeks. Took sudden slide ahead going into the weekend. Reports suggest some crazy Yank has been buying up all their gear.
And Finally...The Black Pudding of the Week
Martin Jol, Hamburg SV: The wily manager of over-achieving Hamburg showed the Premier League and more importantly Tottenham that they were wrong to show him the door last season. Hamburg thoroughly beat Aston Villa in the UEFA Cup and sit fourth in the Bundesliga with hopes of first place only five points away. Some think Sunderland is calling, will he answer? How could he not, even if he is so many miles away. Eh, it’s the time difference and all that.
Shane Evans is an associate editor of Goal.com. His feature "The Full English" appears every Friday morning. You can reach him at shane.evans@goal.com with any questions or comments.
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