The Full English: Home At Last

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EPL: Dimitar Berbatov, Manchester United v West Bromwich (PA)

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Teams

• Arsenal
• Aston Villa
• Chelsea
• Hull
• Manchester City
• Man Utd.
• Middlesbrough
• Newcastle
• Stoke

Players

• William Gallas
• Cesc Fàbregas
• Clint Dempsey

By Shane Evans

LEICESTER, England-- As I sit here on the settee at my cousin’s Leicester home, I’m in a reflective mood. I just watched Portsmouth let a 2-0 home lead against European giants AC Milan slip away, ending the game 2-2. Earlier in the night, I paid roughly 25 dollars for a England away Rooney shirt at the local sports shop. And well, the jet lag is about to kick in. But all three of those events mean one thing: I’m in England. (According to Goal.com’s Allen Ramsey, Pompey-Milan wasn’t on any of his 900 channels).

So that is the good news. Your favorite Goal.com reporter (not to take away anything from Allen, of course) is abroad, back at home, eating fruit pastilles and kebabs in the Old Blighty.

The bad news? I have to write a million words for this column as there is a full a plate of EPL action this weekend as there will be the entire season. Well, I suppose that isn’t bad news really, as I am a writer and am getting paid to do this, but hey, I can only write so many masterpieces. I don’t want to dilute the content and all that noise.

Let’s get back to the football, yes? As disheartening as Pompey’s performance in the last 10 minutes of their match was, the other 80 got me pumped for the action coming this weekend. It’s derby weekend again as the Manchester sides do battle, along with London foes Chelsea and Arsenal, followed by a somewhat less interesting, but still rowdy, Middlesbrough-Newcastle affair. Following those three big fixtures, you have my pick of the week, Hull City v. Stoke, in a battle of newly promoted squads.

I’m kind of hungry, let’s have some bacon.

The Bacon (as in Bringing It Home)

Manchester City v. Manchester United (The City of Manchester Stadium, November 30th, 8:30 a.m. ET, Setanta Sports)

Last year, the formerly cash-low City took all six points from the eventual champions cash-heavy United. This year, the cash-heavy City (“It helps me sleep at night when I know that whenever a United fan fills his petrol tank, it goes to our transfer kitty” - silver-tongued Oasis mastermind Noel Gallagher) look to do the same when they welcome the, well, now less-cash-heavy United to the Eastlands. Will it happen this year? I doubt it.

The last two matches have been rough for United, who seemed to fix most of their problems when they battered Stoke 5-0. Scoring a whopping zero goals against up-and-comers Aston Villa and then against Guisseppe Rossi and Villarreal, United will be hungry to get on the board and if they go goalless in a third straight, there will certainly be hell to pay.

As for City, they are (finally) playing better under Mark Hughes, and are fresh off two big wins against Arsenal and Schalke. Ferguson’s boys are a different beast, however, and will find it tough against a mostly superior squad, especially with everyone’s favorite lethargic striker Dimi Berbatov back in United’s XI.

TFE Prediction: I finally, finally, finally, get one right (yes I’m 0-6 or something like that) when the Red side of Manchester end up celebrating a 3-2 win on Sunday evening.

Chelsea v. Arsenal (Stamford Bridge, November 30th, 11:00 a.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)

Another enticing match-up, this one will take place a ways south from the goings on in Manchester, with Stamford Bridge the setting. It hasn’t been a typically-Chelsea home account as four squads have taken points from the Blues at home already this season (Tottenham, Manchester United, Newcastle grabbed a share, and Liverpool recently took all three). But the class is still there and no matter who comes to play them it’s always going to be a tough match.

Their opponents Arsenal have had their struggles lately as it has so publicly been discussed. It’s hard to see a lot changing now that Billy Gallas is out as captain and 21-year-old Cesc Fabregas is in. But who am I to judge?

If they leave the game and don’t take any points from the match, they are in serious trouble. Big, huge heaps of stinking trouble. I won’t say a trophy-less season just yet, but it’ll surely keep them out of the race for the Premier League title and could mean one of my new favorite clubs, Aston Villa, will supplant them as the other member of the big four.

TFE Prediction: How will this one go then? It’s really tough to say as I am admittedly on the fence. I’d be happy with a nil-nil draw, but that is highly doubtful. Chelsea have the undeniable talent, while Arsenal are clearly in a must-win situation. Unfortunately for the Gunners, it’s hard to see them getting any points in this one as Chelsea scrape out a 2-1 win.

Middlesbrough v. Newcastle (The Riverside, November 29th, 10 a.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)

The third derby on the plate for this weekend features another two northern England squads as relegation-weary Newcastle travel to play Middlesbrough at the Riverside. Newcastle find themselves in 18th place, surprisingly only four points back of their 10th place opponents. Pretty amazing that fact, isn’t it? Wigan, who round out the bottom of the EPL are hypothetically only two wins from mid-table safety, however doubtful that sounds.

So any reason to watch this one on Saturday morning? Not really. After doing a little research (yes, Wikipedia was about the extent of it) I found out that Newcastle doesn’t even see the Middlesbrough match as a derby because of the distance between the two cities. Gareth Southgate and co. however rank Newcastle as their biggest rival. For some reason, I can’t help but think of Middlesbrough as that kid in school who was always really friendly and wanted to fit in, but there was just something off about him that you couldn’t put a finger on, thus keeping him out of any friendship circles. But that’s just me speaking as the coolest kid to grace Springfield High School in a decade.

Adding to their awkwardness is the up and down season they’ve been having. It’s like they have an acne breakout one day and it clears up the next, to continue my nostalgic high school theme. This match against Newcastle should be the perfect remedy for Boro’s blotchy season as they have every chance of taking all three points from the disheveled Magpies.

TFE Prediction: Middlesbrough bounce back from their 3-1 loss to Bolton with a strong performance against the slowly improving Newcastle. Final score 2-1 in Boro’s favor.

Stoke v. Hull City (Britannia Stadium, November 29th, 10 a.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel (Delay))

Two of the biggest surprises this season in the EPL will relive their Championship days on Saturday when Phil Brown’s Hull travel to take on Stoke at the Britannia. This match gets me all cushy inside, just thinking where each team lies in the table. Stoke, though only three points out of the drop zone, have outplayed everyone’s expectations this season as they were up for title of “Derby County: Redux” before the campaign started. But with less then four months of the season completed, the Potters have already amassed 17 points, six more than Derby’s dismal 11 of last season, and have snatched the full three from Villa, Spurs and Arsenal. Not too shabby Tony Pulis, not too shabby.

Then we have my other crush (besides Maro, that is), the entire Hull City squad. Entrenched in the sixth spot in the league, Hull have exceeded expectations even further than Stoke have, and that is saying a lot. Sandwiched between EPL big boys, Arsenal and Everton, pipe dreams of Europe may start to surface if they keep taking points from their matches. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet.

Behind the boots of Geovanni, Hull have scored, go figure, the sixth-most goals this season, and will be after more against Stoke, who’ve given up the second most. It could get ugly, folks.

TFE Prediction: The home fans will be a factor for Stoke but Hull have been playing too determined lately and will scrape out a 2-0 win to possibly bump them into 4th. Hull City in fourth place as we enter December, never would have thought that one, eh?

The Toast (as in Of The EPL)

Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal: The flamboyant Spaniard is no longer just a pretty face as the 21-year-old has been given the captain’s armband at the Emirates. My thoughts, you say? Well anyone is better than Billy Gallas, but the move has undertones, Arsene’s way of tempting Cesc to stay being the main one. He wanted the armband for some time now, and never got it. Now Fabregas has to be happy he’s the man and a contract extension is reportedly in the works.

Gianluigi Buffon, Juventus: New EPL fat cats Man City are apparently ready to spend upwards of £50 million on the keeper who many believe is the world’s best. Is he worth it? I’d say so. Especially when you have that kind of money to through around. Will he go? I wouldn’t be surprised, given the fact he already stated that if such a big offer should come in, Juve shouldn’t hesitate to accept. Although it remains to be seen if the reports will become fact, one thing is for sure, having Buffon in the league would be brilliant. 

More Billy Gallas? Oh, alright.

William Gallas, Arsenal (though not for long): So Arsenal play Chelsea this weekend. You may remember that Gallas used to be a Blue and that the EPL’s other main moronic defender Ashley Cole used to be a Gunner. They were part of the same transfer back in 2006, one that initially worked out well for both clubs. But why did Billy want to leave Stamford Bridge at the height of their success? Well apparently their offer for a new contract at the time was according to the Frenchy, “laughable.” I could speculate on what Chelsea’s “laughable” offer was, but I can assure you, the greedy Frenchman is ruing the fact he didn’t sign it, given what the future looks like now.

Leicester Update:

Scrunthorpe? Really? We brushed them aside and put them back in their place, which is now 6th. Crewe? Come onnnn. Another big win for the Foxes keeps us atop League 1. Dag & Red is up next in FA Cup action. This match is actually TELEVISED in the US on FSC. The first Leicester match I have ever seen televised (even if it is delayed) and I’m out of the country. Go figure. So watch it for me, will ya?

Oh, and t-minus 8 days til my triumphant return to Walkers Stadium. Go Foxes!

And finally...the Black Pudding of the Week

Clint Dempsey, Fulham: Fulham have got points from their last three matches, and US international Dempsey has been involved in each of them (two starts and one sub role). This weekend sees Fulham travel north to take on an impressive Aston Villa side, a match that I will be attending. Thanks to who? You guessed it, Clint Dempsey. A favorable connection with the Goal.com USA staff has made it possible for yours truly to cheer on the Cottagers from the stands at Villa Park. Isn’t Clint a kind soul? One may think so, but according to Clint, “he does it all for the kids.” Amen to that.

Shane Evans is an Associate Editor of Goal.com. The Full English appears every Friday on Goal.com.