Alan Black is back, telling us all to sing when our team is winning. Or losing. Or just playing.In last week’s column, I was at the San Francisco baseball stadium and I couldn’t leave the event without singing, "Barry Bonds is on the dope, tra-la-la-la-la," to the tune of Brown Girl In The Ring by seventies disco giants Boney-M. Not that Bonds was playing, but annoying a few nearby San Francisco Giants fans was worthwhile. What the hell was wrong with these people? Why did they not sing songs at their national past time? That dreadful baseball church organ seemed to have neutered their desire, and the singing was limited to the embarrassing Take Me Out to the Ballpark, the lamest sports song ever. And this is a country that invented rock and roll. Pathetic.
Fortunately, we have soccer. Singing and soccer go together like soap and water. But it’s not always clean. And neither should it be. An ad hominem attack on a player is an appropriate way to warm up the vocal chords. Perhaps, a player prone to scoring against us, with a receding hairline, and a receipt for the Hair Club for Men, can be cut down an inch or two with an aria that sounds like Big Ben in London striking each of the quarter hours, "Baldy - Baldy – Baldy - Baldy." Ouch! I feel better already. And then there are the opposing team’s supporters, hicks that deserve a choral tribute to the tune of Guantanamera, "Sheep loving bastards! You’re only sheep loving baa-stards!" Sorry, Kansas. No, I’m not.
Crooning at the stadium cements bonds, laughs, and holy outrage. It ignites the atmosphere. Anyone who has been to games in Argentina or England knows this. And there’s a Simon and Garfunkel in every soccer club’s support but they’re not penning The Sound Of Silence; leave that to the baseball fans. So let’s ratchet up some good ol’ Yankee songwriting, and join those fans already singing at U.S. games. Let’s make the American soccer stand a church of singing crazies. Your evangelical friends and family will be glad that you’ve joined a choir. And those of you in the expensive seats, this is for you too. Soccer is not a spectator sport. It’s participatory. So sing when you’re winning. The game, and your team, demands it.
Post some of your favorite soccer songs below.
Alan Black, author of Kick The Balls, is a Goal.com contributor