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The Full English: Refried Beans
Not even a bad case of jet lag can slow down Goal.com’s Shane Evans, as he warms up this week’s plate of EPL action for you all. Despite the enthusiasm, it looks like all you’re getting are some stodgy leftovers.
Dec 5, 2008 2:31:01 AM
By Shane Evans
LONDON, England -- It’s nearly 3 A.M. in England’s rainy capital. Why isn’t Mr. Evans sleeping peacefully in preparation for a fun-filled day of site seeing and British pleasantries, you say? Well, I wish I could answer that. All I know is, I’ve been back for over a week and the jet lag still has a hold of me, as if I was making this trans-Atlantic trip for the first time. Plus, the air mattress has a bloody great big un-cork-able hole in it.
But I suppose when I think about it, if there is one thing I can tolerate at this hour, when I clearly should be in the land of the nod, is my first and only true love, footy. So let us write and be merry as another EPL weekend drifts nearer. Unfortunately for this miserable and soon-to-be-exhausted journalist, the plate for this matchday looks pretty bare.
The big four all have matches against, well, mediocre competition. I’m only going to touch on ManU because there was the Roy Keane link, and because, despite his recent lack of managerial prowess (he was booted as Black Cats boss on Thursday), I rank him among my all-time favorites. The other three, that’s Liverpool, Chelsea, and, yes, Arsenal take on hapless Blackburn, hated Bolton, and hurting Wigan, respectively. Thankfully, Mr. Dependable Brad Friedel and Villa have some formidable competition in Timmy Howard and Everton. I never could figure out why Americans make for such good keepers. Superior hand-eye coordination maybe?
In an effort to get this over with, let’s get this over with.
The Bacon (as in Bringing it Home)
Everton v. Aston Villa (Goodison Park, December 7th, 12:30 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
This is a nice little battle between two above average EPL teams sitting in two spots a part at the top third of the table. If Villa steals another one they could bump themselves into 3rd, Everton on the other hand could take 5th from Villa. Essentially, it’s a match for both teams to assert their place among the big boys.
In their last match, Villa was held by a surprisingly strong Fulham side, a match that I attended. Quick take-aways: Brad Friedel broke the league’s consecutive games mark by playing in his 167th match. Steve Sidwell missed two golden chances to score. Fulham away support is brilliant. Villa can’t let Fulham take points from them if they want to play with the big boys. They just can’t. The draw against ManU was fine, great match, they deserved the result. This one? Should have gone Martin O’Neill’s way.
Everton come into this one as inconsistent as ever, and will want to show the home crowd that they belong near the top. Again, it’s a match neither team can afford to lose, even draw really.
TFE Prediction: I will stretch my correct predictions streak to a whopping two weeks in a row when Villa finally get a goal in and leave Merseyside 2-1 winners.
West Ham v. Tottenham (Upton Park, December 8th, 3 p.m. ET, Setanta Sports)
I’m in London, so why not feature another one of London’s classic derbies, West Ham v. Tottenham. Harry Houdini pulled another trick out of the hat, yanking Spurs out of the drop zone and into relative safety in recent weeks. Giofranco Zola has West Ham playing better, having tied table-toppers Liverpool 0-0 earlier in the week.
What does that mean to this match? Nothing really, as both teams, in all likelihood, will come out and play an absolute crap match, or a cracker, you just don’t know what you’re going to get with this pair.
I watched the West Ham-Liverpool match. Dull. Drab. Draining. Liverpool was playing complacent, hopeful football, while the Hammers had one chance all match, when former Red Craig Bellamy clanged one off the post. Yea, I could see this happening again. Thankfully for Spurs, they have Darren Bent.
TFE Prediction: It’s Darren at the double as my boy from Tooting nets two for Spurs in their 2-0 win.
Manchester United v. Sunderland (Old Trafford, December 6th, 12:30 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
The end has come for Roy Keane at the Stadium of Light. Rapidly sliding down the table following an utterly embarrassing performance against Bolton last weekend, Keano’s boys looked lost and confused, so it was time to make a change. The Black Cats have lost six straight and haven’t won since the Tyne-Wear Derby back on the 25th of October.
I hate to see this happen to such a great footy-head like Roy Keane, but his team weren’t responding and a trip to Old Trafford is certainly the last thing they need right now. First team coach Ricky Sbragia will take over on an interim basis, and will hopefully be given a bit of leeway in his first match as gaffer.
TFE Prediction: This one could get ugly. A new man in charge will do little to get Sunderland back on track, especially given the fact United are finding their stride. I’m saying 4-0.
The Toast (as in Of The EPL)
Carlos Tevez, Manchester United: Four goals?! Yes please, El Apache. It brings me great joy to report on Tevez having such a fabulous game, albeit in the Carling Cup against Blackburn. He’s struggled for so long this season; it’s great to see him unleash some real fury on another team, even if they were a prime suspect for the abuse. The real question, was his performance an audition for Alex Ferguson or another top flight boss with some money to spend?
Fernando Torres’ Hamstring, Liverpool: Hamstring’s are the worst, and this particular one is robbing us of the league’s best striker. So start doing your job for once and help him run down the ball, not hinder him. Appears El Nino will be out until January now, so just think about what you’ve done. Think long and hard, you niggly little pest. (Yes, I just had a row with a body part.)
Mido, Middlesbrough: Ok, I get it. There are some fans out there who lack a few basic social skills. Newcastle takes the cake this week, apparently continuing their verbal abuse directed towards everyone’s favorite Middlesbrough player, Mido. Personally, I’m not a fan of him as a footballer, but that is something totally different all together. Insulting his religion and beliefs is just disgraceful, and I applaud him for speaking out against the FA about the lack of action being taken.
Leicester Update: First place. This Saturday we ‘welcome’ Southend. I’ll be there. Enough said.
And Finally...the Black Pudding of the Week:
Man City’s Mystery Mega Signing: Kaka? Messi? Buffon? Windass? Who’s it going to be? Apparently they’re willing to pay £70 million to secure the signature of a player equal to Robinho’s quality. If I was the Samba star, I’d be a bit miffed given the fact they only paid £32.5 million for me. Yea, who knows. My money is on Kaka. One can dream I suppose, everyone but me anyway as it’s now 3:55 A.M.
Sleep Update: Aforementioned air mattress has hemorrhaged all air.
Shane Evans is an Associate Editor of Goal.com. His feature “The Full English” appears every Friday morning.
LONDON, England -- It’s nearly 3 A.M. in England’s rainy capital. Why isn’t Mr. Evans sleeping peacefully in preparation for a fun-filled day of site seeing and British pleasantries, you say? Well, I wish I could answer that. All I know is, I’ve been back for over a week and the jet lag still has a hold of me, as if I was making this trans-Atlantic trip for the first time. Plus, the air mattress has a bloody great big un-cork-able hole in it.
But I suppose when I think about it, if there is one thing I can tolerate at this hour, when I clearly should be in the land of the nod, is my first and only true love, footy. So let us write and be merry as another EPL weekend drifts nearer. Unfortunately for this miserable and soon-to-be-exhausted journalist, the plate for this matchday looks pretty bare.
The big four all have matches against, well, mediocre competition. I’m only going to touch on ManU because there was the Roy Keane link, and because, despite his recent lack of managerial prowess (he was booted as Black Cats boss on Thursday), I rank him among my all-time favorites. The other three, that’s Liverpool, Chelsea, and, yes, Arsenal take on hapless Blackburn, hated Bolton, and hurting Wigan, respectively. Thankfully, Mr. Dependable Brad Friedel and Villa have some formidable competition in Timmy Howard and Everton. I never could figure out why Americans make for such good keepers. Superior hand-eye coordination maybe?
In an effort to get this over with, let’s get this over with.
The Bacon (as in Bringing it Home)
Everton v. Aston Villa (Goodison Park, December 7th, 12:30 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
This is a nice little battle between two above average EPL teams sitting in two spots a part at the top third of the table. If Villa steals another one they could bump themselves into 3rd, Everton on the other hand could take 5th from Villa. Essentially, it’s a match for both teams to assert their place among the big boys.
In their last match, Villa was held by a surprisingly strong Fulham side, a match that I attended. Quick take-aways: Brad Friedel broke the league’s consecutive games mark by playing in his 167th match. Steve Sidwell missed two golden chances to score. Fulham away support is brilliant. Villa can’t let Fulham take points from them if they want to play with the big boys. They just can’t. The draw against ManU was fine, great match, they deserved the result. This one? Should have gone Martin O’Neill’s way.
Everton come into this one as inconsistent as ever, and will want to show the home crowd that they belong near the top. Again, it’s a match neither team can afford to lose, even draw really.
TFE Prediction: I will stretch my correct predictions streak to a whopping two weeks in a row when Villa finally get a goal in and leave Merseyside 2-1 winners.
West Ham v. Tottenham (Upton Park, December 8th, 3 p.m. ET, Setanta Sports)
I’m in London, so why not feature another one of London’s classic derbies, West Ham v. Tottenham. Harry Houdini pulled another trick out of the hat, yanking Spurs out of the drop zone and into relative safety in recent weeks. Giofranco Zola has West Ham playing better, having tied table-toppers Liverpool 0-0 earlier in the week.
What does that mean to this match? Nothing really, as both teams, in all likelihood, will come out and play an absolute crap match, or a cracker, you just don’t know what you’re going to get with this pair.
I watched the West Ham-Liverpool match. Dull. Drab. Draining. Liverpool was playing complacent, hopeful football, while the Hammers had one chance all match, when former Red Craig Bellamy clanged one off the post. Yea, I could see this happening again. Thankfully for Spurs, they have Darren Bent.
TFE Prediction: It’s Darren at the double as my boy from Tooting nets two for Spurs in their 2-0 win.
Manchester United v. Sunderland (Old Trafford, December 6th, 12:30 p.m. ET, Fox Soccer Channel)
The end has come for Roy Keane at the Stadium of Light. Rapidly sliding down the table following an utterly embarrassing performance against Bolton last weekend, Keano’s boys looked lost and confused, so it was time to make a change. The Black Cats have lost six straight and haven’t won since the Tyne-Wear Derby back on the 25th of October.
I hate to see this happen to such a great footy-head like Roy Keane, but his team weren’t responding and a trip to Old Trafford is certainly the last thing they need right now. First team coach Ricky Sbragia will take over on an interim basis, and will hopefully be given a bit of leeway in his first match as gaffer.
TFE Prediction: This one could get ugly. A new man in charge will do little to get Sunderland back on track, especially given the fact United are finding their stride. I’m saying 4-0.
The Toast (as in Of The EPL)
Carlos Tevez, Manchester United: Four goals?! Yes please, El Apache. It brings me great joy to report on Tevez having such a fabulous game, albeit in the Carling Cup against Blackburn. He’s struggled for so long this season; it’s great to see him unleash some real fury on another team, even if they were a prime suspect for the abuse. The real question, was his performance an audition for Alex Ferguson or another top flight boss with some money to spend?
Fernando Torres’ Hamstring, Liverpool: Hamstring’s are the worst, and this particular one is robbing us of the league’s best striker. So start doing your job for once and help him run down the ball, not hinder him. Appears El Nino will be out until January now, so just think about what you’ve done. Think long and hard, you niggly little pest. (Yes, I just had a row with a body part.)
Mido, Middlesbrough: Ok, I get it. There are some fans out there who lack a few basic social skills. Newcastle takes the cake this week, apparently continuing their verbal abuse directed towards everyone’s favorite Middlesbrough player, Mido. Personally, I’m not a fan of him as a footballer, but that is something totally different all together. Insulting his religion and beliefs is just disgraceful, and I applaud him for speaking out against the FA about the lack of action being taken.
Leicester Update: First place. This Saturday we ‘welcome’ Southend. I’ll be there. Enough said.
And Finally...the Black Pudding of the Week:
Man City’s Mystery Mega Signing: Kaka? Messi? Buffon? Windass? Who’s it going to be? Apparently they’re willing to pay £70 million to secure the signature of a player equal to Robinho’s quality. If I was the Samba star, I’d be a bit miffed given the fact they only paid £32.5 million for me. Yea, who knows. My money is on Kaka. One can dream I suppose, everyone but me anyway as it’s now 3:55 A.M.
Sleep Update: Aforementioned air mattress has hemorrhaged all air.
Shane Evans is an Associate Editor of Goal.com. His feature “The Full English” appears every Friday morning.
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