Christmas Presents for the U.S. Nats offers up its suggestions of Christmas presents for the United States Men's National Team.
By Noah Davis

It's been a long, tough, but ultimately successful year for the United States Men's National Team and thinks the players deserve some Christmas presents for their sublime effort. Enjoy boys, and bring on 2009.  (Yes, we're a day late but the Santa Claus was a little busy yesterday officiating a soccer game between the raindeer. You have no idea how out of control they can get.)

Bob Bradley -- Publication of his book, "Saying Nothing In A Press Conference" (Forward by Bill Belichick)
Tim Howard -- A brick wall to stand in for him occasionally at Everton
Brad Guzan -- A few more starts at Aston Villa
Heath Pearce -- Crossing lessons
Oguchi Onyewu -- A way out of Belgium
Carlos Bocanegra -- A Ligue 1 championship
Steve Cherundolo --  Leg extensions
Ricardo Clark -- His own Texian Army chant
Maurice Edu --'s "How to Pass a Soccer Ball" video
Michael Bradley -- A tape of all the dumb fouls he committed over the past 12 months
Pablo Mastroeni -- A caricature in which his features are smaller than real life.
DaMarcus Beasley
-- Lessons on playing left back
Sasha Klejstan -- Hair scrunchies
Jose Francisco Torres -- A win against Mexico.
Freddy Adu -- For Monaco chairman Jerome de Bontin to realize that the teen is even more marketable if he sees the pitch
Clint Dempsey -- Tickets to the "Notorious" premiere
Landon Donovan -- Success in Germany
Jozy Altidore -- A start in La Liga that's not related to injuries suffered by his teammates.
Brian Ching -- A couple more starts on the Nats before he permanently loses his place.
Neven Subotic -- Coal. Lots of coal.

Noah Davis covers the United States Men's National Team for He is not a comedian.