Look Mou's back
O, happy day! Run next door and give your neighbour a hug! Run back out into the street and give that street urchin sixpence to buy himself a Christmas turkey! Skip through a field singing 'Three Little Birds'! Jose Mourinho is coming home, everybody!
Like him or loathe him (and, seriously, come on; you like him), the Portuguese's imminent return to English football can only be an exciting thing. WWLTW has not been this giddy since they started making new episodes of 'Futurama'.
But then he strode into the spotlight (Porto who?) and smashed down the barriers for bosses. Mourinho has proved that managers can gouge each other's eyes but also talk about omelettes. He wore laundry bins like he wore his fine coats. He made management sexy.
Without his presence, the English game has struggled, so desperately missing a maverick genius to take his place. The most charisma that the Premier League has mustered in his absence has been Paul 'Captain Monotone' Lambert.
Do we deserve better? Please; have you seen the state of the game in this country? But do we want better? Of course we do. And Jose wants it too.
"I want to be where people love me," he told ITV on Tuesday before the broadcasters remembered that they had left the oven on and fled before he could finish his sentence.
Then you've chosen right, Jose. You can come home. Come home and imply that our referees are in a conspiracy to heap misery upon you and your brave players. Come home and grind out more 1-0 wins in triumphant tedium. Come home and call your colleagues "voyeurs" again. It's OK. You can do that here.
We've kept Paulo Ferreira warm for you.
It takes two to tango
For an organisation calling itself the Professional Footballers Association, demanding your money back from a comedian who was hired to tell jokes and did exactly that does not seem particularly professional.
For an organisation composed of current and former footballers, the lack of appreciation for a good scouting network is bizarre. Only the briefest of internet searches would have revealed what kind of comedian they were booking in Reginald D Hunter.
For an organisation ... OK, WWLTW doesn't have a third prong that particular argumentative fork. Suffice to say that the PFA's un-nuanced, head-burying stance on the issue of racism and its conduct towards Hunter is even more of a joke than Clint Hill's snub by the awards voters.
The fashion police are nowhere when you need them
It strikes WWLTW as foolish and irresponsible for Liverpool to unveil a red home kit for next season. What if Luis Suarez thinks it's ketchup?
Gareth Bale's next award triumphs
|Women's Footballer of the Year
||TIME Person of the Year
||Britain's Got Talent
|"I must say I'm quite surprised ... but I'll take it"||More than any politician, humanitarian or innovator, Bale's chase-and-poke comedy goal against Wigan truly spoke to the state of humanity at this moment in our evolution||"OK, I don't mean to be rude, Gareth, but I've gotta say, I've never seen anyone sing 'La Marseillaise' on a unicycle before. A thousand per cent yes"|
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