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Comment: EPL? Pooh!
The English Premier League has tasted unprecedented success and popularity in the country in the new century. But why so? Don't all of you think it's the worst thing to have happened to football, ever?
16-Dec-2008 11:38:26 AM
The football newbie goes to his “guru”, the football pundit, for some much needed gyan on the world’s most popular sport. “Today’s lesson”, barks the guru, “is about the English Premier League”. “Ah, isn’t that the one with the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, and Liverpool?” innocently enquires the newbie, with a glint in his eye.
“Yes, exactly. But that’s it, there are no other teams worth speaking of in that rotten league. They hoof the ball up and down the field in despicable fashion, don’t provide any competition whatsoever to the top teams, and play out horribly boring matches week in week out. Even talking about this so-called league makes me nauseous.”
“Then why is it so popular, sir?”, asks the rookie. The expert answers, “Good question my boy. You see, they’re darn good at marketing, even better than that imaginary fellow who sold an air conditioner to the Eskimo. In fact, they’re a prime example of the phrase, all hype and no substance. You’ll have more fun finishing your math homework than watching them play.”
And then comes the coupe de grace from the newbie, “But then why do you watch it yourself?”
Oops, that’s always a tough one to answer. Why do people watch the English Premier League if it’s so darn boring? Is it that whoever follows it is a footballing dimwit? Or is it a case of a particular entity or person becoming popular to such an extent that people start bashing it? Is the EPL another Aishwarya Rai, Shahrukh Khan, or Sourav Ganguly, that has grown so popular that it’s no longer “cool” to like, enjoy, or follow? There was a time during the turn of the century, when the people who choose to stay away from the crowd started to follow football, and the Premier League in particular, religiously, ignoring the sport of cricket altogether.
Well, it was going fine for those lads ever since, but their honeymoon period seems to be ending, and fast. The league, notoriously, has gained the reputation amongst the “knowledgeable” football fans in the country, of being extremely boring, and overly hyped. So, the “fools” that chose to stay away from the crowd then, have indeed become the crowd today! The irony of it all, I say!
Who then are the ones standing apart today, you ask? Ah yes, they’re the ones bashing the Premier League for whatever it stands for. They are the true connoisseurs of the sport, ones who understand and visualize football in its truest form, and fill their stomachs with a diet comprising of La Liga, Serie A, and pretty much everything except the fungus that plagues international football today, the Premier League.
The smug gloat that belonged completely to the Premier League fan seven years ago now rests on the league-basher’s face. I know it’s hard on you, EPL buff, but you were the moron who chose the wrong league anyway. Couldn’t you tell that a league marketed so well had to be nothing but utter rubbish in reality?
It’s damn predictable too, with the “big four” dominating each season for a number of years now. This can only point to one thing, that the rest of clubs plying their trade in the top flight are a bunch of headless chickens, running around in circles, while these four clubs wriggle, power, and hoof their way past defences to fight for the title. Can their dominance be a result of them being more consistent than other clubs across Europe? No way, the tag of being consistently dominant is only reserved for other non-English clubs spread across the continent, with a few anomalies from decade to decade.
La Liga, however, is a much more competitive league. You have many more upsets during the course of the season, which obviously means a lot more entertainment. But haven’t Madrid and Barcelona alone accounted for more than 63% of the total league titles won in Spain? Yes, but hold your horses EPL fan, THIS doesn’t mean that other teams are less competitive, but is a result of the aforementioned consistent domination.
And what’s with all this hype surrounding the EPL that’s so disgusting that it makes one and all want to kill whoever came up with this farcical league in the first place? I mean, why should they market their product? Those pre-match and post-match shows that hypnotize viewers into believing that the ridiculously painful 90 minutes in between were entertaining, are perfect examples of the kind of marketing that the league employs. In fact, the TRP’s are high for the league because fans all over the country watch these shows, but little does anyone realize that they switch their televisions off and sterilize it when any game goes live on air. It’s all hype and no substance you see, and the football they play makes croquet seem interesting.
The scenario has changed so drastically, that a Manchester United, Liverpool, or Arsenal fan in today’s world is literally mocked and laughed at, for choosing to support such lowly outfits. After all, they only perform well in the Champions League consistently, and yet manage to hold off advances from smaller domestic clubs year after year. It’s not as if they play the “real” football that the clubs outside of England do. Oh, you should see them play EPL fan, they’ll leave you dazzled. Their football almost takes the form of a ballad, with dancers all over the pitch, who move together in a rhythm, until the climax of a goal scored is reached.
Like I said EPL fan, it’s tough on you, but that’s life. Forget that you actually like the EPL, and become a true football pundit like the few scattered across the length and breadth of the nation, who do not watch this eye-injuring, mind-numbing farce. Wake up to the reality that it isn’t cool anymore. Trot over to the other side, where the “cool” lies, and also lies the road to becoming a true football fan. Wait, you can hear them talk from the other side.
“Ah, these EPL buggers know nothing. What they play in England isn’t even football.”
Shame on you, EPL fans, shame on all of you. In fact, shame on you, India, for making this league by far the most followed and loved league in the country. As the “expert” would say, you know nothing about football.
Atishay Agarwal
“Yes, exactly. But that’s it, there are no other teams worth speaking of in that rotten league. They hoof the ball up and down the field in despicable fashion, don’t provide any competition whatsoever to the top teams, and play out horribly boring matches week in week out. Even talking about this so-called league makes me nauseous.”
“Then why is it so popular, sir?”, asks the rookie. The expert answers, “Good question my boy. You see, they’re darn good at marketing, even better than that imaginary fellow who sold an air conditioner to the Eskimo. In fact, they’re a prime example of the phrase, all hype and no substance. You’ll have more fun finishing your math homework than watching them play.”
And then comes the coupe de grace from the newbie, “But then why do you watch it yourself?”
Oops, that’s always a tough one to answer. Why do people watch the English Premier League if it’s so darn boring? Is it that whoever follows it is a footballing dimwit? Or is it a case of a particular entity or person becoming popular to such an extent that people start bashing it? Is the EPL another Aishwarya Rai, Shahrukh Khan, or Sourav Ganguly, that has grown so popular that it’s no longer “cool” to like, enjoy, or follow? There was a time during the turn of the century, when the people who choose to stay away from the crowd started to follow football, and the Premier League in particular, religiously, ignoring the sport of cricket altogether.
Well, it was going fine for those lads ever since, but their honeymoon period seems to be ending, and fast. The league, notoriously, has gained the reputation amongst the “knowledgeable” football fans in the country, of being extremely boring, and overly hyped. So, the “fools” that chose to stay away from the crowd then, have indeed become the crowd today! The irony of it all, I say!
Who then are the ones standing apart today, you ask? Ah yes, they’re the ones bashing the Premier League for whatever it stands for. They are the true connoisseurs of the sport, ones who understand and visualize football in its truest form, and fill their stomachs with a diet comprising of La Liga, Serie A, and pretty much everything except the fungus that plagues international football today, the Premier League.
The smug gloat that belonged completely to the Premier League fan seven years ago now rests on the league-basher’s face. I know it’s hard on you, EPL buff, but you were the moron who chose the wrong league anyway. Couldn’t you tell that a league marketed so well had to be nothing but utter rubbish in reality?
It’s damn predictable too, with the “big four” dominating each season for a number of years now. This can only point to one thing, that the rest of clubs plying their trade in the top flight are a bunch of headless chickens, running around in circles, while these four clubs wriggle, power, and hoof their way past defences to fight for the title. Can their dominance be a result of them being more consistent than other clubs across Europe? No way, the tag of being consistently dominant is only reserved for other non-English clubs spread across the continent, with a few anomalies from decade to decade.
La Liga, however, is a much more competitive league. You have many more upsets during the course of the season, which obviously means a lot more entertainment. But haven’t Madrid and Barcelona alone accounted for more than 63% of the total league titles won in Spain? Yes, but hold your horses EPL fan, THIS doesn’t mean that other teams are less competitive, but is a result of the aforementioned consistent domination.
And what’s with all this hype surrounding the EPL that’s so disgusting that it makes one and all want to kill whoever came up with this farcical league in the first place? I mean, why should they market their product? Those pre-match and post-match shows that hypnotize viewers into believing that the ridiculously painful 90 minutes in between were entertaining, are perfect examples of the kind of marketing that the league employs. In fact, the TRP’s are high for the league because fans all over the country watch these shows, but little does anyone realize that they switch their televisions off and sterilize it when any game goes live on air. It’s all hype and no substance you see, and the football they play makes croquet seem interesting.
The scenario has changed so drastically, that a Manchester United, Liverpool, or Arsenal fan in today’s world is literally mocked and laughed at, for choosing to support such lowly outfits. After all, they only perform well in the Champions League consistently, and yet manage to hold off advances from smaller domestic clubs year after year. It’s not as if they play the “real” football that the clubs outside of England do. Oh, you should see them play EPL fan, they’ll leave you dazzled. Their football almost takes the form of a ballad, with dancers all over the pitch, who move together in a rhythm, until the climax of a goal scored is reached.
Like I said EPL fan, it’s tough on you, but that’s life. Forget that you actually like the EPL, and become a true football pundit like the few scattered across the length and breadth of the nation, who do not watch this eye-injuring, mind-numbing farce. Wake up to the reality that it isn’t cool anymore. Trot over to the other side, where the “cool” lies, and also lies the road to becoming a true football fan. Wait, you can hear them talk from the other side.
“Ah, these EPL buggers know nothing. What they play in England isn’t even football.”
Shame on you, EPL fans, shame on all of you. In fact, shame on you, India, for making this league by far the most followed and loved league in the country. As the “expert” would say, you know nothing about football.
Atishay Agarwal
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