We need a hero! Newcastle unveil Whey Aye Man

Not content with the heroics of almost qualifying for Champions League football last season, the Magpies have enlisted the services of a caped crusader to help them go one better

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it Papiss Cisse doing an acrobatic goal celebration?

No. It's Whey Aye Man, Newcastle's new official superhero. Obviously.

Announced proudly on the club's official website as boasting "the speed of Hatem Ben Arfa, the strength of Shola Ameobi and the reflexes of Tim Krul," the Toon's very own Avenger is surely not far away from a cinematic breakthrough.

No, Extra Time isn't making this up. If you don't believe it, just get yourself to a Newcastle club shop, where you can buy Whey Aye Man's costume – "ideal for nights out and stag dos and will also make an eye-catching outfit for home and away games" – for just £49.99.

The fact that most Magpies fans seem much happier wearing as few clothes as possible at matches appears to have been lost on the Toon's marketing team.

Nevertheless, Whey Aye Man (Extra Time is never going to get bored of writing that) is to headline a wider range of Newcastle-themed fancy dress products, say the club.

What next? Will £20 buy you a convincing replica of Alan Pardew's oddly beautiful smile? Fancy shelling out £40 for a pair of shorts with a bench attached to the backside so that you too can be Steve Harper? The possibilities are endless.