The World Cup hosts were dumped out of the competition on Tuesday, suffering a 7-1 humiliation at the hands of Germany in Belo Horizonte – the Selecao's biggest defeat since a 6-0 loss to Uruguay in 1920.
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"One – being Portugal coach and winning nothing," he wrote.
"Two – going to Chelsea and being sacked the following day.
"Three – going to coach in Uzbekistan. Four – returning to Brazil, taking over a big team [Palmeiras] and getting them relegated to the second division.
"Five – leaving the club 56 days before the end of the Brasileirao [season] to 'escape' relegation.
"Six – being an old jerk, arrogant, repulsive, conceited and ridiculous," he finished in brutal fashion.
Scolari has faced heavy criticism for Brazil's World Cup exit and is expected to leave his role at the end of tournament, though he refused to stand down on Wednesday.