Xavi, Iniesta and other assorted 5' 7'' tricksters seal greatness
As far as weeks go, this has been a busy one. In fact, given that we are now into July, WWLTW can officially announce that the new season is underway. Or, at least, we would have officially announced it had we been in charge and not those bods at Uefa.
Instead those Spanish scamps did the job for us on Sunday by absolutely annihilating poor weepy Mario Balotelli and the Italians. Given Spain spent half the game knocking the ball back and forth in a sort of footballing chin-wag destined to carry over to the wee hours. Yet, the enticing prospect of being crowned the greatest international side ever - and the most boring - was just the ticket they needed to plough forth and win 4-0.
“Boring?!” I hear you say... Watching the six victims of the Spanish has been like watching the family dog chase a tennis ball being thrown between siblings. It is not even on the grass for the poor blighter to intercept and yet he is zooming from one end of the garden to the other, tongue lolling out of his mouth.
And, in a rather cruel way, WWLTW finds that delightfully entertaining.
Tweet of the Week
"Who is the manager pls? LOL"
"Thanks u to have answer to my question lol lets be focus about the season now! Lol"
- Ask and you shall receive. Benoit Assou-Ekotto reinforces the idea that he isn't interested in football, turning to Twitter to discover the name of his new manager.
A final point: of the 23-man team of tournament, Uefa named 10 (yes, TEN) Spaniards. That is testament to their genius, although, Alvaro Arbeloa must bow his head in shame.
So yeah, they are not boring, they are the finest international team of all time and scarily, this may even just be the start. And with that we will hear no more on the matter.
It is all kicking off in north London...
|What we will learn this weekend...
|With any luck WWLTW will work out what a stock floatation is. Then we will understand why Manchester United opted for the New York Stock Exchange over say, London before deciphering why the listing went from a proposed $1 billion to $100 million.
On top of that, we will educate ourselves on leveraged takeovers and debt before satisfying our inner child by chuckling at the picture of Park Ji-Sung used for Shinji Kagawa on the club's Japanese website. Oops.
We will start with the news that the Dutchman has decided to follow in the footsteps of every world-class player the club have had by captaining the team for a season - or two in Cesc Fabregas and Thierry Henry's case - and then making like the wind. Yes, the goal-plundering leftie announced via his personal website that he is off after deciding the plans for the club did not match his ambitions.
Sensing a chance to capitalise, Gunners shareholder Alisher Usmanov conveniently leaked a letter sent to Mr Gazidis raising concerns over the direction the club was heading in. If it was not leaked, WWLTW would like to apologise, but somehow we think Usmanov and comrades are a tad too sharp for that.
Though the letter may not grant him an audience with Gazidis, the man presiding over an approximate share of 30 per cent of the club will have gained one thing this week – a heck of a lot of support from disillusioned fans.
On the Lilywhite side of London, Andre Villas-Boas, the poor lad so cruelly shunned by Chelsea, has pitched his tent up at White Hart Lane for the new season. Well, Spurs Lodge to be specific... though he was photographed at the new training centre in Enfield too and given his fondness for sleeping at Cobham, one can only imagine he is engraving his name into his preferred bench for the upcoming season.
Though in an ideal world, AVB will be heading home to his family day after successful day as he carries Tottenham to THE NEXT LEVEL – whatever that is. The gravel-voiced Portugeezer has already begun his building process, making Gylfi Sigurdsson his first signing.
There are plenty of rumours abound too. Emmanuel Adebayor, Jan Vertonghen, Oscar and Leandro Damiao have all had Tottenham prospectuses posted through their letter boxes. After missing out on the Champions League and the heartbreak that followed, July has been kind to Spurs fans so far. Now if only they could coax Luka Modric back off that Iberian jet...
Blatter in 'does something sensible' shocker
Quote of the Week
“Guys like Balotelli deserve lots of slaps rather than pats on the shoulder. Antonio Cassano led the team to the final.”
- A match-winning double against Germany is not enough for Paolo Di Canio, who suggested violence is the only way to deal with Super Mario
But, ignore the many past injustices that football has served up because it will happen no more! Hawk Eye and GoalRef have been given the thumbs up to be used in official matches, starting with the Club World Cup in Japan in December. If destiny is a real phenomenon, expect Lampard to wrap up victory for Chelsea with a deflected shot off the underside of the crossbar, over the line and finally via a buzz to the bicep of Howard Webb.
Over the fence of footballing authority though, Uefa's Michel Platini can be seen gently cutting the grass with a pair of scissors. Blatter may be motoring his way across Fifa's lawn, but the dearly beloved Frenchman continues to back good old fashioned human labour. "I have a problem with technology. I am totally against it. Let's have humans,” he said, before ensuring the five men dressed in black were tending to the roses.
Sacrilege it might be, but one of these fellas must be right. But for the life of us WWLTW can't work out who. All we know is that a ref in the goal sounds more pleasant than using the eyes of a hawk. What would the RSPCA think?