What we learned this week: Drogba will play himself in ‘Chelsea vs Barcelona: The Movie’

The Ivorian caught the eye with more than just his goal on Wednesday, while Robin van Persie added fuel to the ridiculous handshake debate with his snub of Gary Caldwell
By Jamie Dunn

Drogba will play himself in ‘Chelsea vs Barcelona: The Movie’

When somebody eventually writes the script for ‘Chelsea vs Barcelona: The Movie’ – and they will, there has been far too much drama between the two sides in the past to ignore – the casting process will be an interesting one.

WWLTW is thinking Al Pacino or Robert De Niro will play Jose Mourinho, West Ham fan Ray Winstone could depict Frank Lampard, and shove a wig on Danny De Vito and ask him to shed a few pounds and you might have a passable Lionel Messi, at least in terms of height.

But Didier Drogba will have to play himself, for nobody could replicate the theatrics the striker displayed in the Champions League semi-final first leg.

Now, excuse this column for putting on a tin hat at this juncture, because Drogba is a popular chap with Goal.com readers, the numbers do not lie. Here we go…

Tweet of the Week

"Didier Drogba's newest fan. Holy sh*tballs."

- The Ivorian's future co-star, Danny DeVito, has a lot of love for the Chelsea talisman

The Ivorian put on a dramatic tour de force that notorious board-treading thespian Sir Ian McKellan would be proud of, flinging himself to the ground, arms flailing and clutching various different body parts.

If the injuries Drogba claimed to pick up were genuine, he would have to be rebuilt like the Six Million Dollar Man. First it was his foot, then his shin, then his hip and even, at one stage, his… groin region took a hammering.

Yet somehow, our brave hero soldiered on, throwing his personal health to one side for the greater good, ever the martyr for the cause.

Not only that, but also, could anyone deliver Drogba’s infamous “It’s a disgrace, it’s a f***ing disgrace!” exclamation in the 2009 clash between the two with as much relish and vigour as the man himself? WWLTW doubts it very much.

ITV pundits are the least liked people on television

What we will learn this weekend...
The videprinters may well have to put Manchester City's number of goals in brackets next to the scoreline when they face struggling Wolves on Sunday.

Despite doing a professional and impressive job in beating Arsenal on the back of a victory over Manchester United, Wigan will lose, convincingly and without explanation, to Fulham, because it would not be a relegation battle without them.
Of course, in amongst all the play acting, there was a football match in which Drogba performed well for the second time in as many games and made a telling contribution, staying on his feet long enough to score the only goal of the game as Chelsea sealed a surprise victory.

But, if you were on Twitter or any other form of social network, you could be forgiven for thinking the game was all about the performances of ITV’s presenters, commentators and pundits.

Poor old Adrian Chiles, the presenter who left the harmless audience of The One Show for this gig, was taking it from all sides as usual. Marmite, thy name is Chiles. The West Brom fan must have his followers, but none of them were watching ITV on Wednesday night, it seems.

Sitting across from Chiles, pundits Roy Keane and Gareth Southgate, for all the minutes of top class football they have racked up, did not escape criticism. Clichés were detected and shot down with the immediacy of a spiteful 140-character snipe, while Southgate’s every word is apparently undermined by his failings as Middlesbrough manager.

Up in the commentary box, Clive Tyldsley could not escape criticism, as he audibly drooled at every Barcelona pass or near miss. His summariser, Andy Townsend, was not safe either.

And yet, despite their obvious hatred for all involved, the viewing public had the audacity to complain that the coverage package started only 15 minutes before kick-off at Stamford Bridge, and just 20 minutes after. You are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

Van Persie snubs Caldwell as ridiculous handshake saga continues

Quote of the Week

"I'll choke on my beer if Chelsea win the Champions League and we finish fourth, for sure."

- Somebody at Newcastle learn the Heimlich maneuver and stick by Alan Pardew for the rest of the season. Just in case.

It is the subplot of the 2011-12 Premier League season which simply will not go away.

First, there was Clive Allen’s “two bob” jibe at Arsene Wenger after the Arsenal boss refused to acknowledge the Tottenham coach’s outstretched palm properly. Then there was the scrapped handshake between QPR and Chelsea in the FA Cup in the aftermath of allegations of the racial abuse of Anton Ferdinand by John Terry.

And then there was the most infamous of all – the incident seen around the world - as Liverpool striker Luis Suarez snubbed Patrice Evra in the wake of alleged racism aimed at the Manchester United defender.

Not to be outdone, though, Arsenal striker Robin van Persie – who has dominated just about every other aspect of football this season – failed to appropriately shake the hand of Gary Caldwell, as Wigan pulled off a shock victory at the Emirates Stadium.

Apparently Van Persie - like his manager, Arsene Wenger – does not like to lose. Who would have thought it?

It could have been the start of an unlikely but beautiful friendship between Caldwell and the Dutch striker. But now we will never know what could have been.

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