Mock The Window: Stubborn Arsene Wenger surprises nobody by failing to splash the cash

Who would’ve thought that Arsene Wenger would deny his fans’ demands to sign Chris Samba, Phil Jagielka and a host of other Premier League steady-eddies in favour a young unknown German prospect?

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Everyone - that’s who. It seems even Arsenal supporters aren’t surprised anymore by the Frenchman’s refusal to add to a squad that always seems two or three players off the mark.

The Gunners faithful are too busy trying to get rid of poor old Arsene it seems – now come on guys, what’s he done wrong?

Thomas Eisfeld will no doubt be a fine player who can re-energise the charge for Europa League qualification in a couple of years’ time.

And until then, the most hated Russian in London, Andrey Arshavin (no, not Roman Abramovich), will still be around, playing terribly with a slightly bemused look on his face while he slags off our women and culture.

Fear not – the transfer window doesn’t close until February 24 over in Mother Russia, with Zenit St Petersburg and Anzhi Makhachkala clearly not watching any Premier League football this season and reportedly preparing bids for the 30-year-old.

The questionable part being how on earth did Daniel Levy persuade Lokomotiv Moscow to pay £7.5 million for Roman Pavlyuchenko? A fine bit of business from Del Boy and Rodney as they got shot of a man who has added just as many tattoos to his body as he has goals to his tally during his four years in north London.

Yet the decision to ditch Sebastien Bassong out on loan to Wolves in place of 34-year-old Ryan Nelsen is definitely more than a bit of an eye-brow raiser. 

Seriously – who in their right mind would swap the young and spritely 25-year-old Bassong for man who often looks like he is struggling to make his way through a waist-high pool of treacle with a week’s worth of shopping when on the pitch.

The old War Horse isn’t quite the thoroughbred he used to be, and was probably due to be put down before Spurs handed him a last minute reprieve.

Maybe two years ago this would have been another shrewd deal from Spurs, but on Tuesday’s deadline day it seemed they were just doing deals just for the sake of it.

It was if 'Arry and his big wobbly Turkey neck had forgotten his side were third in the Premier League and once again only five points behind the leaders as he tinkered away with his squad.

While the departures of fringe players Vedran Corluka and Steven Pienaar will hardly derail the fledging challengers, it certainly hasn’t strengthened them.

However, the former Portsmouth boss will no doubt look like an absolute genius when Louis Saha comes good and benefits from playing in a team that will provide him more chances in one game than he got at Everton all season.

The Frenchman will be an adequate stop-gap until Redknapp tries once again to bring Loic Remy and his dancing feet to White Hart Lane in the summer.

         One for the future | Business as usual for Arsenal with the signing of Thomas Eisfeld

GOOD WINDOW

Liverpool The Scousers may have allowed someone else to take the limelight this time round in the transfer window, but their current crop of new blood looks to be finally bedding in. Kenny Dalglish’s side rounded off a superb week on the field with Andy Carroll scoring an elusive Premier League goal in Tuesday’s 3-0 win over Wolves. Billy Sharp A tidy bit of business from promotional hopefuls Southampton which rivals West Ham may come to regret not getting involved in. The 25-year-old is proven in the Championship and could be the final piece in Neil Adkins' side. Everton Back to Merseyside again, with David Moyes and Bill Kenwright having already received plaudits across the board for shifting the deadwood and securing some very decent signings on deadline day, although one expects Steven Pienaar to have his tail firmly between his legs on his return to Goodison.

BAD WINDOW

Carlos Tevez It all started so brightly, with the Milan giants and new money PSG jostling for pole position to snatch the Argentine’s signature. But no, he’s still here. As much as MTW is sick to death of the greedy git, it must be frustrating for City fans to see a player who has the penetration and spark that is missing from their side set to rot away for another six months. Chris Samba The persecution routine failed to work this time round, even in spite of a glossy interview in The Sun in which Samba revealed the harrowing details of his Ewood Park plight. Don’t worry big man, if you can survive until the summer, you’ll get your 12 months on Tottenham’s bench. Sunderland Despite Steve Bruce fluttering away the club’s money over the summer, Martin O’Neill looked to have pulled off a right coup with Papiss Cisse on his way to the Stadium of Light. Unfortunately, North East top dogs Newcastle came calling to complete the biggest Premier League deal of the transfer window and unite Cisse with his Senegalese team-mate Demba Ba.

Most disappointed
Sky Sports

A year ago, Sky Sports would have turned its nose up at Nikica Jelavic’s switch from Rangers to Everton, as if the deal was some sort of unsightly peasant whose stench had wafted under their noses as they reported all the glitz and glam of deadline day.

Instead, on Tuesday night the Croatian’s move to Goodison Park was the headline act on ‘another frantic evening’ of transfer comings and goings, as Jim White did his very best to convince us all that things weren’t going down the swanny.

You could just see Brian Swanson flicking through the completed deals at 11pm and thinking ‘well this has been an absolute disaster’, but ever the professional, he kept that broad Scottish smile and gave us the run-down, from Corluka’s switch to Bayer Leverkusen to undetermined reports that Neymar had been spotted in a Dundee Butchers queuing for a pie. Well, possibly, MTW was tucked up in bed by 10.30 catching up on a bit of TOWIE.

It serves them right, however, because Sky Sports have gone beyond parody and quite frankly eaten themselves.

If August’s ‘BREAKING NEWS’ shots of Jim White arriving at Sky studios just to go work on deadline day were ridiculous, then January’s full-blown ‘boot camp’ style advert meant their slim pickings this month was the very least they deserved.

Special mention to the delightful Natalie Sawyer, however, who looked radiant as ever in a nice little yellow number. Keep up the good work.

Quote of the window (Part I)

“As [Liverpool chairman] Tom Werner said the other day, there’s no point letting the facts get in the way of a good story. Stewart Downing being bought from a clip off YouTube? Do us a favour.”

– Kenny Dalglish slamming (albeit slightly believable) suggestions that Stewart Downing was signed due a doctored video, after blasting Manchester City over claims Liverpool tried to swap Andy Carroll for Carlos Tevez.

Reminding us he still exists
Sam Allardyce (West Ham)

So, the curious case of Ravel Morrison was finally resolved this week, with the 18-year-old understandably taking his time to decide whether he wants to pursue his potential as a footballer or an out-right criminal.

In the end, the midfielder plumped for football and the Hammers, although his extensive rap sheet ensures he will always have something to fall back on, just incase his billing as ‘the most technically gifted player to emerge from the Manchester United academy since Paul Scholes’ somehow doesn’t come to fruition.

Young Ravel has definitely squeezed the hype to the maximum, landing a contract with the potential to rise significantly dependant on appearances – although West Ham have yet to confirm whether those are on the pitch or in the courtroom.

Not bad going for a chap who has yet to kick a ball in the English leagues. Big Sam was no doubt loving it, back in the limelight as the signings of Nicky Maynard and Ricardo Vaz Te provided the something, or just anything, we were looking for to spruce up our drab evenings.

However, don’t think that Allardyce would have been fazed or surprised by the attention that his pursuit of Morrison, and failed attempt to sign Jelavic, brought. Oh no, this is a man who still answers every phone call with the anticipation that he is about to be offered the England job.

Biggest surprise
Djibril Cisse (QPR)

The fact that he passed a medical! Jokes aside, Mark Hughes has gone with players he feels can get the job done, although the club’s Lawyers best ready themselves for Cisse’s stay at Loftus Road.

At his last Premier League club Sunderland, the Wearsiders were sued by one of their own fans after they were knocked out by a stray shot from the 30-year-old.

Elsewhere, Bobby Zamora gave us his best spiel that he had joined Loftus Road to reunite with former Fulham boss Hughes.

Unfortunately for the striker, the pound signs rolling across his eyeballs gave away his real motives – with the 31-year-old reportedly initially demanding his £45,000-a-week wage be doubled if he was to switch from Craven Cottage.

“I think it’s great. I’ll be glad to see the back of it, I’m sick of it - I’ve got friends I never knew I had for the past 31 days”

– Wolves boss Mick McCarthy at his best, making no bones about his disdain for the transfer window.

       Difficult choice | Ravel Morrison opted for football despite a promising criminal career

Fantasy transfer
Paul Scholes

Everyone’s favourite ginger roused himself out of retirement to return to first team action for Manchester United, slotting seamlessly back into the champions' midfield – admittedly not a particularly hard feat at the moment.

If Sir Alex Ferguson can land either long-term target Luka Modric or Wesley Sneijder in the summer then this will have been a shrewd bit of business. If not, comparisons will soon be drawn between the red-nosed Scotsman and king of prudence Arsene Wenger.

Nightmare news
Nobby Solano (Hartlepool)

Devastating news that Nobby Solano is retiring from football aged 37-years-old. The Peruvian is an absolute legend in his home country (where his wedding was aired on national television) and on Tyneside, having spent two spells with Newcastle United.

Unfortunately, the midfielder is calling time on his 20-year playing career after falling out of favour at Hartlepool, but MTW is still holding out for relief from this terrible development.

Wouldn’t it be great if Nobby gave it one last go with North East strugglers Darlington to provide those great fans with some respite from off-the-field financial woes?

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