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What we learned this week…Mario Balotelli-bothering Micah Richards should wear a dart-proof vest
The Premier League leaders finally came unstuck, much to the amusement of a surprisingly funny Ashley Cole, while Nicklas Bendtner was a berk and Fitz Hall made us hurl
16 Dec 2011 07:37:00
Getty Images
By Nick Price
Manchester City can be beaten
The leaders finally came undone this week when they were beaten 2-1 at Stamford Bridge after going 14 Premier League games without defeat this term. Thank the Lord, because WWLTW was getting a bit bored of seeing them batter opponents left, right and centre like Nelson Muntz set loose on the playground nerds.
Having smashed Manchester United for six at Old Trafford and pulled the pants down of every team that have rocked up at the Etihad Stadium this season, it was beginning to look they were going to waltz their way off into the distance in the title race. And in El Cashico on Monday, they started off as if they were going to pulverise Chelsea too, with football more fluid than a WWLTW bowel movement the morning after a chicken jalfrezi. Was there to be any stopping this juggernaut of gaudiness?
Yes there was, mercifully for those of us who'd rather see a bit of competition instead of one cash-injected monstrosity out in front, but it was self-inflicted as Gael Clichy fired the stupid gun and shot City in the collective foot by getting himself sent off before Frank Lampard slotted home from the spot.
Several days later and Mario Balotelli – who'd have thought this chap would be up to something stupid, eh? – found himself in the news by getting into a right royal ding dong with Micah Richards in training.
The Italian gift that keeps on giving, who has also squared up to Vincent Kompany and Jerome Boateng in his time at City, reportedly had to be dragged away from the right-back by several of his team-mates on Thursday morning after the pair rowed. But Richards downplayed the incident on Twitter, saying: "Me & Mario are all good! These things happen in training and we shook hands after. It shows passion."
If WWLTW were in Richards' shoes, it'd start wearing a dart-proof vest and keep its distance away from Balotelli rather than take a handshake at face value seeing as the striker is quite clearly off his rocker and likely to start smashing things up at the drop of a santa hat.
Ashley Cole lacks class, but not a sense of humour
The Chelsea left-back allegedly celebrated his side's win over City by gleefully belting out a few cries of popular terrace chant 'Thursday night, Channel Five' to the beaten players, in reference to their demotion from the Champions League to the ignominy of being the warm-up show to awful Jean-Claude Van Damme action movies on the rubbish British TV channel.
WWLTW isn't much a fan of the air rifle wielding, serial womanising, foul-mouthed, egotistical, unsophisticated, selfish and generally despicable defender, but we'll take our hats off to him and concede that he is quite funny.
That comment - denied by Chelsea - is said to have sparked a bit of handbags in the tunnel at Stamford Bridge, but surely the City players could have come back with the ultimate zinger by simply pointing the mouthy left-back to pictures of the league table and ex-wife Cheryl Cole?
Nicklas Bendtner loves pizza, but hates credit cards and assiduous shop workers
WWLTW chuckled its backside off when it read reports that the striker, who is currently spending the season in exile in Sunderland after Arsene Wenger finally lost patience with him being utterly average, couldn't get served at a pizzeria in Copenhagen because his credit card failed.
The Dane, one of the most befuddlingly bumptious buffoons in Premier League history, went ballistic as his payment for his meal was declined, angrily asking: "Don't you know who I am? I can buy the whole pizzeria."
Brilliantly, the staff told him it didn't matter who he was – defenders have been telling him that for years by putting him on his buttocks with thoroughly deserved reducers – and he couldn't just walk away with the pizza without paying for them.
Fortunately for Bendtner, two girls gave him some krone to pay for his meal before he sodded off in a taxi (and presumably had a raging row with the driver when he got to his destination and realised he couldn't pay for that too).
An unnamed diner told Ekstrabladet: "He was f****** arrogant, acted as if he owned the place." Who'd have thought that from a man who, as a teenager, thought he was better than Thierry Henry?
Football fans can be quite stupid
We've covered before how ignoramus idiots can throw away their morals and blindly spout hateful messages towards others for the sake of 'defending' their club, even going so far as excusing racism when it's allegedly been spouted out of the mouth of a man who wears the shirt of the team they like, but this week football fans took a turn for the downright silly.
After referee Chris Foy made a right pig's ear of things during Tottenham's defeat to Stoke, including missing blatant handballs and disallowing a goal despite Emmanuel Adebayor being more onside than Grant Holt is over the recommended body weight for a professional footballer, Spurs fans took to Twitter to vent their fury at the official – or at least that's what they thought they were doing.
Instead of directing their bile at Foy, they were actually sending hundreds of angry messages to Sir Chris Hoy, a multiple Olympic gold-winning cyclist.
First of all, how stupid were they to think that a professional referee would be foolish enough – or even allowed – to have a Twitter account? Secondly, how the hell are they so ignorant as to not know who Hoy, a sporting icon with a knighthood for crying out loud, is and confuse him for someone with a different name? And finally, did the profile picture of Hoy hurtling along on a bicycle not make them think: 'Hmmm, this might not be that referee that screwed us over'?
You muppets. Buck up your ideas because you're doing a stellar job of making all of us football fans look like the stupidest bunch of idiots in the world (aside from people who vote Tory, of course).
Fitz Hall is disgusting
The QPR defender with the best nickname in football, 'One Size', had WWLTW feeling all queasy when he revealed a rather rotten pre-match ritual on Thursday.
Instead of doing the usual superstitious things – such as putting one boot on before the other, saying a prayer, or listening to a song – Hall heffs his guts up.
“I like to be sick before a game. I do not feel right unless I am sick. It is nothing major I just have a drink and sick it back up that is all."
Classy.
Stoke City are really tough (and really stupid)
The Potters suffered their first defeat in Europe this season when they were beaten by Besiktas in Istanbul on Wednesday night after sending out a second-string side seeing as they were already through to the knockout rounds.
The game made the headlines not because Britain's hitherto only unbeaten team in Europe went down to a loss, but because several players were pelted with objects thrown from the stand. At one point Jermaine Pennant refused to take a corner as he was being hammered with coins and lighters from the charming home fans, but boss Tony Pulis insisted afterwards: "We won't be complaining to anyone. We're Stoke and we don't complain."
Hard as nails but as stupid as a bag of rocks.
If this writer was being hit with stuff that could lead to blinding or a serious injury, it'd be straight off to the police to get the cretins done for grievous bodily harm.
Manchester City can be beaten
The leaders finally came undone this week when they were beaten 2-1 at Stamford Bridge after going 14 Premier League games without defeat this term. Thank the Lord, because WWLTW was getting a bit bored of seeing them batter opponents left, right and centre like Nelson Muntz set loose on the playground nerds.
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Having smashed Manchester United for six at Old Trafford and pulled the pants down of every team that have rocked up at the Etihad Stadium this season, it was beginning to look they were going to waltz their way off into the distance in the title race. And in El Cashico on Monday, they started off as if they were going to pulverise Chelsea too, with football more fluid than a WWLTW bowel movement the morning after a chicken jalfrezi. Was there to be any stopping this juggernaut of gaudiness?
Yes there was, mercifully for those of us who'd rather see a bit of competition instead of one cash-injected monstrosity out in front, but it was self-inflicted as Gael Clichy fired the stupid gun and shot City in the collective foot by getting himself sent off before Frank Lampard slotted home from the spot.
Several days later and Mario Balotelli – who'd have thought this chap would be up to something stupid, eh? – found himself in the news by getting into a right royal ding dong with Micah Richards in training.
The Italian gift that keeps on giving, who has also squared up to Vincent Kompany and Jerome Boateng in his time at City, reportedly had to be dragged away from the right-back by several of his team-mates on Thursday morning after the pair rowed. But Richards downplayed the incident on Twitter, saying: "Me & Mario are all good! These things happen in training and we shook hands after. It shows passion."
If WWLTW were in Richards' shoes, it'd start wearing a dart-proof vest and keep its distance away from Balotelli rather than take a handshake at face value seeing as the striker is quite clearly off his rocker and likely to start smashing things up at the drop of a santa hat.
Ashley Cole lacks class, but not a sense of humour
The Chelsea left-back allegedly celebrated his side's win over City by gleefully belting out a few cries of popular terrace chant 'Thursday night, Channel Five' to the beaten players, in reference to their demotion from the Champions League to the ignominy of being the warm-up show to awful Jean-Claude Van Damme action movies on the rubbish British TV channel.
WWLTW isn't much a fan of the air rifle wielding, serial womanising, foul-mouthed, egotistical, unsophisticated, selfish and generally despicable defender, but we'll take our hats off to him and concede that he is quite funny.
That comment - denied by Chelsea - is said to have sparked a bit of handbags in the tunnel at Stamford Bridge, but surely the City players could have come back with the ultimate zinger by simply pointing the mouthy left-back to pictures of the league table and ex-wife Cheryl Cole?
Fight for this love? | "Nah," says Cole, "I'll be a muppet instead" - fair enough
| What we will learn this weekend... |
 Arsenal fans will gleefully abuse Samir Nasri as he watches the action at the Etihad Stadium from the bench, but the Frenchman will have the last laugh as rather than heading home on a bus to go back to a soul-crushingly boring full-time job just to make ends meet, he'll drive back to his mansion in a sports car and deposit another £150,000 into his swimming pool full of cash after a week of doing nothing.On Sunday night, Uefa will finally get around to conducting the draw for the first knockout round of the Champions League after breaking their own world record for most tedious, irrelevant, and utterly bonkers introduction ceremony, with this one reaching its nadir when Michel Platini sings a duet with David Hasselhoff. |
WWLTW chuckled its backside off when it read reports that the striker, who is currently spending the season in exile in Sunderland after Arsene Wenger finally lost patience with him being utterly average, couldn't get served at a pizzeria in Copenhagen because his credit card failed.
The Dane, one of the most befuddlingly bumptious buffoons in Premier League history, went ballistic as his payment for his meal was declined, angrily asking: "Don't you know who I am? I can buy the whole pizzeria."
Brilliantly, the staff told him it didn't matter who he was – defenders have been telling him that for years by putting him on his buttocks with thoroughly deserved reducers – and he couldn't just walk away with the pizza without paying for them.
Fortunately for Bendtner, two girls gave him some krone to pay for his meal before he sodded off in a taxi (and presumably had a raging row with the driver when he got to his destination and realised he couldn't pay for that too).
An unnamed diner told Ekstrabladet: "He was f****** arrogant, acted as if he owned the place." Who'd have thought that from a man who, as a teenager, thought he was better than Thierry Henry?
Football fans can be quite stupid
We've covered before how ignoramus idiots can throw away their morals and blindly spout hateful messages towards others for the sake of 'defending' their club, even going so far as excusing racism when it's allegedly been spouted out of the mouth of a man who wears the shirt of the team they like, but this week football fans took a turn for the downright silly.
After referee Chris Foy made a right pig's ear of things during Tottenham's defeat to Stoke, including missing blatant handballs and disallowing a goal despite Emmanuel Adebayor being more onside than Grant Holt is over the recommended body weight for a professional footballer, Spurs fans took to Twitter to vent their fury at the official – or at least that's what they thought they were doing.
Instead of directing their bile at Foy, they were actually sending hundreds of angry messages to Sir Chris Hoy, a multiple Olympic gold-winning cyclist.
First of all, how stupid were they to think that a professional referee would be foolish enough – or even allowed – to have a Twitter account? Secondly, how the hell are they so ignorant as to not know who Hoy, a sporting icon with a knighthood for crying out loud, is and confuse him for someone with a different name? And finally, did the profile picture of Hoy hurtling along on a bicycle not make them think: 'Hmmm, this might not be that referee that screwed us over'?
You muppets. Buck up your ideas because you're doing a stellar job of making all of us football fans look like the stupidest bunch of idiots in the world (aside from people who vote Tory, of course).
Four-time Olympic gold medalist? | You bet your bum that's not what Chris Foy is
Fitz Hall is disgusting
The QPR defender with the best nickname in football, 'One Size', had WWLTW feeling all queasy when he revealed a rather rotten pre-match ritual on Thursday.
Instead of doing the usual superstitious things – such as putting one boot on before the other, saying a prayer, or listening to a song – Hall heffs his guts up.
“I like to be sick before a game. I do not feel right unless I am sick. It is nothing major I just have a drink and sick it back up that is all."
Classy.
Stoke City are really tough (and really stupid)
The Potters suffered their first defeat in Europe this season when they were beaten by Besiktas in Istanbul on Wednesday night after sending out a second-string side seeing as they were already through to the knockout rounds.
The game made the headlines not because Britain's hitherto only unbeaten team in Europe went down to a loss, but because several players were pelted with objects thrown from the stand. At one point Jermaine Pennant refused to take a corner as he was being hammered with coins and lighters from the charming home fans, but boss Tony Pulis insisted afterwards: "We won't be complaining to anyone. We're Stoke and we don't complain."
Hard as nails but as stupid as a bag of rocks.
If this writer was being hit with stuff that could lead to blinding or a serious injury, it'd be straight off to the police to get the cretins done for grievous bodily harm.
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| Open an account with Sportingbet today and get up to £50 in free bets! |
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| Sign up with bet365 for a free bet up to £200 |
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| Sign up with Paddy Power - Bet £10, Get £20! |
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