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What we learned this week... Beyond woeful Chelsea striker Fernando Torres has done a reverse Lucas Leiva
The Spaniard has gone from absolute hero to total zero, in stark contrast to the injured Brazilian, while Steve Bruce must be better off and Crystal Palace sprung a surprise
2 Dec 2011 08:35:00
Getty Images
By Nick Price
Fernando Torres has done a reverse Lucas Leiva
The Spanish striker – or at least we think he is still a striker, we'll get back to you on that one seeing as he seems to have regressed into some sort of tortoise with a shocking first touch and a reading of the game that borders on illiterate – has now been beaten three times by the club that he forced his way out of in January, with the sought after sanctuary of Stamford Bridge shattered by Liverpool in games that have totally passed him by.
Torres was beyond woeful, not for the first time, in front of gleefully goading fans that used to idolise him – what on earth, beyond "I hope Didier and Daniel get injured so I can play a bit more", must be going through the £50 million man's mind at the moment?
In many ways, Torres has done a reverse Lucas Leiva. The midfielder started life in England as a goofy laughing stock with greasy long hair who could hardly get in the team, before overcoming his doubters and establishing himself as a Premier League star – the exact opposite of his former team-mate.
If you'd have told Liverpool fans two years ago that news that Lucas would be unavailable for a season, they might have breathed a sigh of relief, but now, having sustained cruciate ligament damage, Reds the world over are fearing how their side will cope without him.
With urchin Jay Spearing expected to fill in for the brilliant Brazilian, Liverpool fans must be wishing for a miracle cure, while Kenny Dalglish might rue letting Raul 'worst haircut in football' Meireles go on deadline day.
Crystal Palace liven up the League Cup
Manchester United were surprisingly dumped out of the Awful Lager Cup on Wednesday night by the Championship team courtesy of a thumping Darren Ambrose goal (which hit the back of the net just as it was about to blow up, such was the force with which the ball was hit) and Jonny Evans losing his man like the inadequate doofus that he is to allow Glenn Murray to nod home in extra time.
Does losing to patently worse opposition in the competition make United the new Arsenal then? No of course they're not (because they've actually won stuff recently), but the Red Devils showed their susceptible side on Wednesday night against Palace, who rocked up at Old Trafford like a decent Football League team who knew they could get a result against a cobbled together bunch of kids and second-rate stand-ins, which must have come as a shock for many journalists, who – judging by their questioning of manager Dougie Freedman on Tuesday – must have thought a group of overawed amateurs were bowling up the M6 for a night of being bent over and roughed up before collecting their opponents' jerseys to frame and treasure forever.
The London club's manager was asked prior to the game whether he'd be indulging in a spot of post-match red wine with Sir Alex Ferguson – a question guaranteed to be asked at every press conference involving a young coach pitting his wits against the wily coot for the first time, like it's some sort of rites of passage, along with being screwed over by the referee, whenever they face the Red Devils.
Elsewhere in the competition, Arsene Wenger's youngsters got some fantastic experience of being gallant losers when they put in an excellent shift against Manchester City, who rode their luck before Sergio Aguero scored from what seemed like their only shot of the game.
Definitely not lucky were Liverpool, although the FA may want to look into their win at Stamford Bridge as there are suspicions that Kenny Dalglish's men weren't exactly playing fairly as they didn't let Chelsea have the ball.
And finishing off the round is Cardiff City beating Blackburn 2-0, although Steve Kean says Rovers had 'forfeited' the game to focus on their league campaign – just what the fans, those thousands of them that absolutely loathe him, want to hear having travelled across the country to see their team limply give up on getting a shot at going to Wembley. Surely Kean, a man with a proclivity for putting his foot in his mouth, must be next up for the chop?
Steve Bruce must be a very rich man
Sunderland chairman Ellis Short finally came to his senses on Wednesday night when he realised that Steve Bruce – the man who'd won just a handful of home games in 2011, who'd alienated Darren Bent, spent a club record fee on and subsequently mismanaged Asamoah Gyan, who thought handing John O'Shea and Wes Brown long-term deals despite them being the wrong side of 30, who'd lost the faith of the supporters long ago after presiding over a 5-1 defeat to Newcastle, and whose list of excuses for his ineptness and shoddy results is as long as his head is large – wasn't the right bloke to be managing the Black Cats.
WWLTW has long been baffled by just what Sunderland saw in Bruce for so long. When he took over, he talked a good talk about how the club was better than its then lowly position, and said there was no reason why supporters shouldn't be thinking about European football as a realistic target, only to then have a pop at them (in turn throwing further fuel on to the burning effigy being hoisted by the club's fans) last season for having ideas above their station when they were looking like they were going to struggle in the relegation zone come May.
However, it's fully understandable why despite having to run the gauntlet on a weekly basis from the fans at the Stadium of Light, Bruce didn't pack it in for an easier life, because in February – just as they were beginning their plummet to the depths of the Premier League – the board ludicrously thought it wise to hand him a whopping three-and-a-half-year deal, effectively meaning they would have had to chuck a fortune at him to get rid of him. If we were crap at our jobs, we'd all love to be in that position.
But while Bruce deserves to go, this column doesn't like seeing people out of a job, especially not at this time of year (although most normal people aren't minted like top-flight football managers, who can probably afford to not work another day in their lives yet still maintain a diet consisting of caviar and Coco Pops, while living in massive country houses powered by the hot air that comes out of their mouths).
Fortunately for the chubby controller, there'll be no shortage of shopping malls and schools in need of a fat bloke in red and white to play Santa over the next few weeks, while he may also be joined at the Sacked Manager Bar by Steve Kean in time for Christmas (just don't let him drive home, Brucey).
Didier Drogba has a very honest agent
The 33-year-old's Chelsea contract expires at the end of the season and the Ivorian's representative this week revealed that his client has turned down a new short-term deal and an offer to join AC Milan on loan, because "he has nothing to prove" in the game and "will go where he is offered the most money", be it in the US, Russia, Qatar or anywhere in Asia.
It's better than coming up with ludicrous excuses to mask a move motivated purely by money (David Beckham, we're looking at you turning down half of Europe's top clubs to play for the LA sodding Galaxy in 2007), although WWLTW must query Thierno Seydi on one point.
The surprisingly candid – for a man with a job title that is synonymous with dishonesty and fraudulence – agent says his client will be looking for a club "where you can be certain you'll be able to pay your bills". Erm, apart from Moon United, WWLTW can't think of where Drogba could move to and not be able to afford to heat up his home and pay the electricity bill.
Follow Nick Price on
Fernando Torres has done a reverse Lucas Leiva
The Spanish striker – or at least we think he is still a striker, we'll get back to you on that one seeing as he seems to have regressed into some sort of tortoise with a shocking first touch and a reading of the game that borders on illiterate – has now been beaten three times by the club that he forced his way out of in January, with the sought after sanctuary of Stamford Bridge shattered by Liverpool in games that have totally passed him by.
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Torres was beyond woeful, not for the first time, in front of gleefully goading fans that used to idolise him – what on earth, beyond "I hope Didier and Daniel get injured so I can play a bit more", must be going through the £50 million man's mind at the moment?
In many ways, Torres has done a reverse Lucas Leiva. The midfielder started life in England as a goofy laughing stock with greasy long hair who could hardly get in the team, before overcoming his doubters and establishing himself as a Premier League star – the exact opposite of his former team-mate.
If you'd have told Liverpool fans two years ago that news that Lucas would be unavailable for a season, they might have breathed a sigh of relief, but now, having sustained cruciate ligament damage, Reds the world over are fearing how their side will cope without him.
With urchin Jay Spearing expected to fill in for the brilliant Brazilian, Liverpool fans must be wishing for a miracle cure, while Kenny Dalglish might rue letting Raul 'worst haircut in football' Meireles go on deadline day.
Spearing – Liverpool's solution | To scaring kids away from their Melwood training ground
| What we will learn this weekend... |
 In a second battle against Welsh opposition in a matter of days, this time against Swansea at Ewood Park, Blackburn will again go down to a miserable defeat. Steve Kean, ever with his head up his own backside, will say his side put in no effort as they're focusing on their next game – which is what he'll also say when they get whipped by Sunderland next time out.Tottenham's rise up the table will continue apace as they beat Bolton while Manchester United are held by Aston Villa, leading to a classic Harry Redknapp interview in which he declares that it would be utterly stupid to think Spurs could win the title while also saying that Spurs can win the title. Carlos Tevez will be moved to return to the Manchester City bench so he can get a closer look at his super sub and super-tubby role model Grant Holt. |
Manchester United were surprisingly dumped out of the Awful Lager Cup on Wednesday night by the Championship team courtesy of a thumping Darren Ambrose goal (which hit the back of the net just as it was about to blow up, such was the force with which the ball was hit) and Jonny Evans losing his man like the inadequate doofus that he is to allow Glenn Murray to nod home in extra time.
Does losing to patently worse opposition in the competition make United the new Arsenal then? No of course they're not (because they've actually won stuff recently), but the Red Devils showed their susceptible side on Wednesday night against Palace, who rocked up at Old Trafford like a decent Football League team who knew they could get a result against a cobbled together bunch of kids and second-rate stand-ins, which must have come as a shock for many journalists, who – judging by their questioning of manager Dougie Freedman on Tuesday – must have thought a group of overawed amateurs were bowling up the M6 for a night of being bent over and roughed up before collecting their opponents' jerseys to frame and treasure forever.
The London club's manager was asked prior to the game whether he'd be indulging in a spot of post-match red wine with Sir Alex Ferguson – a question guaranteed to be asked at every press conference involving a young coach pitting his wits against the wily coot for the first time, like it's some sort of rites of passage, along with being screwed over by the referee, whenever they face the Red Devils.
Elsewhere in the competition, Arsene Wenger's youngsters got some fantastic experience of being gallant losers when they put in an excellent shift against Manchester City, who rode their luck before Sergio Aguero scored from what seemed like their only shot of the game.
Definitely not lucky were Liverpool, although the FA may want to look into their win at Stamford Bridge as there are suspicions that Kenny Dalglish's men weren't exactly playing fairly as they didn't let Chelsea have the ball.
And finishing off the round is Cardiff City beating Blackburn 2-0, although Steve Kean says Rovers had 'forfeited' the game to focus on their league campaign – just what the fans, those thousands of them that absolutely loathe him, want to hear having travelled across the country to see their team limply give up on getting a shot at going to Wembley. Surely Kean, a man with a proclivity for putting his foot in his mouth, must be next up for the chop?
Steve Bruce must be a very rich man
Sunderland chairman Ellis Short finally came to his senses on Wednesday night when he realised that Steve Bruce – the man who'd won just a handful of home games in 2011, who'd alienated Darren Bent, spent a club record fee on and subsequently mismanaged Asamoah Gyan, who thought handing John O'Shea and Wes Brown long-term deals despite them being the wrong side of 30, who'd lost the faith of the supporters long ago after presiding over a 5-1 defeat to Newcastle, and whose list of excuses for his ineptness and shoddy results is as long as his head is large – wasn't the right bloke to be managing the Black Cats.
WWLTW has long been baffled by just what Sunderland saw in Bruce for so long. When he took over, he talked a good talk about how the club was better than its then lowly position, and said there was no reason why supporters shouldn't be thinking about European football as a realistic target, only to then have a pop at them (in turn throwing further fuel on to the burning effigy being hoisted by the club's fans) last season for having ideas above their station when they were looking like they were going to struggle in the relegation zone come May.
However, it's fully understandable why despite having to run the gauntlet on a weekly basis from the fans at the Stadium of Light, Bruce didn't pack it in for an easier life, because in February – just as they were beginning their plummet to the depths of the Premier League – the board ludicrously thought it wise to hand him a whopping three-and-a-half-year deal, effectively meaning they would have had to chuck a fortune at him to get rid of him. If we were crap at our jobs, we'd all love to be in that position.
But while Bruce deserves to go, this column doesn't like seeing people out of a job, especially not at this time of year (although most normal people aren't minted like top-flight football managers, who can probably afford to not work another day in their lives yet still maintain a diet consisting of caviar and Coco Pops, while living in massive country houses powered by the hot air that comes out of their mouths).
Fortunately for the chubby controller, there'll be no shortage of shopping malls and schools in need of a fat bloke in red and white to play Santa over the next few weeks, while he may also be joined at the Sacked Manager Bar by Steve Kean in time for Christmas (just don't let him drive home, Brucey).
What were they thinking? | Short and Quinn will remember this mistake for a while
Didier Drogba has a very honest agent
The 33-year-old's Chelsea contract expires at the end of the season and the Ivorian's representative this week revealed that his client has turned down a new short-term deal and an offer to join AC Milan on loan, because "he has nothing to prove" in the game and "will go where he is offered the most money", be it in the US, Russia, Qatar or anywhere in Asia.
It's better than coming up with ludicrous excuses to mask a move motivated purely by money (David Beckham, we're looking at you turning down half of Europe's top clubs to play for the LA sodding Galaxy in 2007), although WWLTW must query Thierno Seydi on one point.
The surprisingly candid – for a man with a job title that is synonymous with dishonesty and fraudulence – agent says his client will be looking for a club "where you can be certain you'll be able to pay your bills". Erm, apart from Moon United, WWLTW can't think of where Drogba could move to and not be able to afford to heat up his home and pay the electricity bill.
Follow Nick Price on
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