Manchester City striker Emmanuel Adebayor has admitted that he has been left devastated by last week's attack on the Togo team bus in Angola.
As well as the trauma of the event itself though, Adebayor is also bewildered at the way in which his home continent continues to throw up such shocking events.
Togolese prime minister Gilbert Fossoun Houngbo and president Faure Gnassingbe called the squad home from the African Cup of Nations after the attack left three people dead.
Adebayor and the squad were said to have been keen to stay on and play in memory of those who were killed, but the striker now accepts that the decision to leave is for the best.
"I am devastated by all of that. I am very disappointed for the event in Angola," he told Sky Sports.
"Why us? Why in Africa in the 21st century, why all that killing in the modern time?
"Why? Why? Why? It is the worst time of my life, I don't want anyone to go through what I am going through at the moment, we lost friends in a time we should have been happy together.
"The Government called us (to return) because the security is not satisfying and they are right, their first mission is to protect their people.
"I want to get it out of my mind but it is impossible now, let's wait and see."